A Single Mother Finds God
Let me first tell you a little about myself and my life. I'm a single mother, and I have suffered greatly over the years. The devil has cursed my family. He has rained over my family for many years, tarring us apart. Even to go as far as to take my brothers life from driving him mad, last May of 2000. So here I am 26, depressed, feeling hopeless, alone, couldn't get out of bed, gaining over 50lbs, lost my job, and much more.

Than out the blue I get a call from my daughter's father, that has not seen us in 3 1/2 years. Say he wants to be a father. He tells me stories of how he has been clean from drugs and alcohol for over two years. I'm thinking this couldn't be possible but something told me to give him a chance. After meeting him, (my daughter was in school) he starts giving me testimony on how Jesus changed his life. He is now a minister of god's word and does great works for Jesus. When I decided to let him see his daughter, I told him I needed a safe place for them to meet for the first time. It was Easter weekend and he suggested that we meet at his church. I agreed. So to church we went.

WOW let me tell you, I was so moved by this church. And Jesus was drawing me there time after time again. I started asking questions about Jesus and Christian life. I was very interested but afraid. I felt the need to go and pray to Jesus for my salvation. But I couldn't get over my fear. And weeks later I started becoming more comfortable I started praising him and feeling his presence. I finally prayed at home I asked Jesus to bless me with his sprit. A few days later my daughter, her father, and I attended a youth rally in Michigan. They were over 1000 people there just loving Jesus and it moved me. I went home that evening and while I was sleeping I had a dream. I was at a rally like I had just attended that evening. The youth minister was giving his message and called for someone to receive the Holy Spirit. Just then I started to speak in tongues and only to wake hearing myself speak in this way, than as I lay in my bed a weight came over me, and a tingling sensation. Than as a mighty rush, fire burned through my body and centered on my heart and I could feel my heart being filled with his love and joy. And my old heart was discarded. Oh how powerful that was, All I could do was lay there in amazement.

Then suddenly a vision of Jesus' profile came over me and than only to see his eyes with the greatest twinkle and fire in them. I just praised him over and over again, all night long. Two days later at church I got up and gave my testimony and was Baptized in Jesus name for the remission of my sins. And here I start my New Birth in Christ. Since then I have broke the curse on my family and aliments have left me. I am so excited to go to church all the time. I have a great new job, I have lost 20lbs, and my depression is nolonger. Oh how he has blessed me!! I get up and pray and praise him aloud all the time. Oh how Jesus keeps blessing me!! The bible says, he is the comforter and counselor. It is true, I feel an everlasting comfort that could have only come from God. And he keeps counseling me in everything I do. There is a Jesus and he is all powerful, all knowing, all mighty, Halleluia! And I praise him for my Salvation, and being my king, the king of kings. Halleluia!!!!

I grew up in what you would call a very "churchy" enviroment when I was young. From about age 1-7 I was taken care of, a good amount of time, by my grandparents. My mother worked very hard to make ends meet. She worked all the time. My grandparents are Christians and they always taught my sister and I to pray and go to church.

My father was abusive and after many beatings my mom finally decided to get a divorce.Though I don't know alot of the abusive situations she experienced I'm finding out more as I get older. I was abused by my father also, sexually. I was about 4 and it went on for about a year. I believe for a few years of my life I blocked it out, not even remembering it untill about third grade. That is when my grades started dropping and I became confused. Not knowing who to turn to because I felt like I was the only one in the world that could have been through something like this I turned to silence about it.

I finally told my best friend at about the age of 15. I thought maybe she would tell my mom because I couldn't,but because I told her not to tell anyone when I told her, she didn't. I think it was a cry for help turning to the only person I trusted. This had me bound for years. And honestly I didn't think that it was a "big deal". Not knowing all the while it was shaping who I was, how I acted and who I trusted.

I moved away with my mom and stepdad, and began growing up. Trying the whole smoking cigarettes thing at the age of 10. I smoked untill I was 19. I smoked weed off and on untill about 18. Drinking became a regular thing for weekends.

About 2 1/2 years ago I was in a relationship with a guy. He was and still is a great person. I was again trying to find someone to trust and feel safe with. He was that for me for a while. I found myself putting my life in to that relationship. Every waking moment was about us. We had sex many times and everytime it occured I felt worse and worse. One day I got a phone call from my boyfriend and after about an hour of talking he told me he didn't think he could felt the same anymore and broke up with me. I was devastated.I didn't eat ot talk. I felt like my life was over.

Feeling like I could literally die. My best friend started talking to me about Jesus. I was always the one telling her about Jesus and felt like I knew more about Him than she did. The difference was she KNEW HIM. I just knew ABOUT Him. She had trusted her life to Jesus about about 6 months before I broke up with my boyfriend. As I felt this pull inside me to trust Him I didn't know how. I knew that I needed something to happen or I didn't know what I was going to do.

I finally couldn't go on bearing all my pain and asked Jesus to help me. I asked Him into my heart. And from then on ....things got alot better. I finally knew that I had someone that loved me and that I could trust. He amazes me more and more with how much He actually loves me and how He is healing me of past pain. I have hope now and know no matter what happens I have someone that will never leave me or forsake me. I am now in a bible study called "Breaking Free". It is helping me to know God's love and helping me to trust Him as my Heavenly Father. And to know that He would never do anything to hurt me. I have true direction in my life and am excited about my future.My certain future.

Thank you for reading ...my life =0)
I pray it helps anyone that has been hurt to know that God cares more than you know.
Matthew 11:28-30

In His Name,
Cori McDaris

A Preacher's Wife Gets Saved!

My name is Tanya Sparks. I live in East Tennessee in a small town. I would just like to share my testimony with you.

I was born in Erwin, Tennessee in 1979. My parents were non-christians. I grew up with my only experiences with God being when I got to go to church with my friends and relatives. I always knew about Jesus, but was confused. I had different religions in my family such as Morman and Free Will Baptist and got alot of different stories. All I knew was that if I was good I would get to go to heaven.

In 1995, my mom was drinking heavily and my dad was hardly home because he worked alot. I knew that things couldn't get much worse. Then, one day, my dad decided to go to a revival with a friend of the family. One thing led to another, and within no time at all, both of my parents were saved and started attending church everytime the doors were open. My sister and I thought that they were crazy. They had changed over-night!!!

It wasn't very long before Steve, [my husband], knew that I was not saved. The first 1.5 years of marriage was rough. I was constantly laying out of church, discouraging my husband and his ministry, and just trying to separate myself from the church. In July 1999, I attended a revival where I got under strong conviction. I prayed the sinners prayer and finally thought that I was in. But, I was holding back sin in my life that I could not let go of. In April 2000, our church went through a battle. The Pastor resigned, alot of people left the church, and the piano player quit. I quickly stepped up to the position of piano player. I thought that I was finally in!!!

On December 10, 2000, a preacher from Madison County, North Carolina was the visiting pastor. He preached that day on knowing that you are saved. The Lord immediately started dealing with my heart. I knew right then and there that I was lost and if I had died before that day, I would have went to hell. I went to the alter and prayed the sinners prayer, asked forgiveness of my sins, and gave it all to God. The Lord SAVED Me!!! When I announced that morning that I had just then accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal savior, alot of people were shocked. Even my husband was shocked. I think that he knew deep down inside that I was lost; but, he never told me that. If the Lord can save someone like me, that decieved a preacher into marrying me, lived a lie for a year and a half, and was a preachers' wife, he can save anyone. Everyone can accept the Lord, even a rotten, wretch like me! Tanya

By the time I was 29 I had accomplished most all of the goals I had really set for myself.  I had the American dream.  Good paying job with a major corporation, nice home, two cars, wife two kids, plenty of friends.  Yet I was as unhappy as could be!  For all of my success, and all of my ability, I could not find anything to make me happy.  The grass always seemed greener  elsewhere.  Yet I knew this wasn't true.

Over the course of that year I tried to satisfy myself by indulging myself in whatever seemed available.  That only made me feel more empty, more alone, more unhappy.  There had been times in my life that I had sensed deep unhappiness, but this was more than all of that combined.  I knew that indulging myself wasn't making me happy.  Success hadn't made me happy.  I couldn't find happiness, all I could find was unhappiness.

Part 2 - Hitting bottom

As I turned 30 I realized that there was no one else to blame for the problems I was having.  My wife and I seemed to be two ships passing in the night.  My career seemed to be in something of a tailspin. I found myself being confronted by problems I didn't know how to deal with.  Both at home and at work.  All of my success was falling apart, and I realized that the source of my problems seemed to originate a lot from my behavior.

One turning point came one day when my wife asked me why I swear like a sailor.  I responded, "what the @#$!$ are you talking about?"  She simply answered, "that".  She was right and I knew it.  I realized that every third word out of my mouth seemed to be vulgar.  So I set my mind upon not talking that way any more.  That also set me to thinking about other things I said, how I talked bad about things and people.  So I set my mind to change that too!  I felt as if maybe I was finally on to something.  If I could get control of my mouth I could change my behavior and things would be better again.

The next six months were the hardest months of my life. My job was requiring me to spend and incredible amount of time at work.  The project we were doing was going badly and all of us were feeling the strain of it.  My family life was nearly non-existent.  And to make it worse it seemed the harder I tried to change, the harder it was to change.  I was in absolute misery.  I felt like some drug addict who needed a fix to deal with the pain, but knew that would only make the pain worse.

Part 3 - Searching

What I did not know was that God was busy at work in my life.  As we struggled to start-up the project they had moved me to help run the night crew.  Despite the fact I had managed to piss a lot of people off, I was still respected for my ability to make things work.  There were hours in the loneliness of the night that I would just sit at my computer and think about the things going on in my heart.  I began to write them down.  Solitude, solemn, melancholy, pensiveness, these things surrounded me as I began to search deep into my heart.  For the first time since I was a teenager I began to examine my heart.

I could see that somehow over the course of the years it had become hard, and cold, selfish.  Yet it seemed I could not find an answer.  For the first time in my life I was confronted with the fact that here was something I couldn't put my mind to and do.  I couldn't make myself happy.  I could make my heart feel life!  The deeper I dug the more empty and dead I felt.

I was searching for an answer and I didn't even know the question.  I was lost.  As my 31st birthday approached I was in my darkest hour.

Part 4 - The Cry for Help

I can't remember if it was just before, or just after my birthday.  But I do remember that night.  Actually for several nights I had been feeling a strange presence in my room as I would lay down to bed.  With all I had been struggling with I'd been having a great deal of trouble sleeping.  I remember one night as I lay there thinking about everything that a sort of fear came over me.  It was if something incredibly powerful was just outside my window.  I began thinking about God, and about how I wanted to change and couldn't.  About how I couldn't seen to find happiness.  About how all my searching had only brought me into an
even worse state.  I felt dead.  In fact, that's what I felt outside my window.  It was as if death was out there.  But it no longer mattered.  I was ready to die.  That thought settled into my heart.  I knew it was true, I was more then ready to die.  I was waiting to die!

A few nights later I felt that same presence.  Only this time it seemed to be inside the room.  It had come closer.  I wasn't afraid anymore.  I was ready to die, and if that's what was going to happen, well what would be the difference I was already like a dead man.  I lay there and just sort of went blank for awhile.  Then suddenly hot tears began to stream down my face and I began to pray.  Something I couldn't ever remember doing.  Although I guess I really didn't know it was a prayer.  I was just letting out my hearts' cry.  Silently I said, "God, you must be real, otherwise this life makes no sense.  My life is a wreck and I'm the one wrecking it.  Send someone to help me."

The most amazing sense of peace came over me.  I quickly drifted off into the most peaceful sleep I'd had in longer then I could remember.

Part 5 - The messenger

Somehow I knew that God was going to send help.  I didn't know how I knew.  But then again nothing else had made any sense over the past year or two so why should this.  During that time there had been so many little things that kept adding up to God.  Odd little things that had happened to me that made me wonder.  What I didn't know then was God was trying to get His message through to me.  But now I was listening, watching, waiting.

God didn't waste much time.  I kept seeing these little things, and I somehow knew they were from Him.  But I knew I was waiting for someone.  Then one day somebody overheard me complaining about something.  The guy called me into his office and we talked for a bit.  The man was Jewish.  He told me some things about how God had changed his life when he started paying attention to God.  But that wasn't what got me.  I knew there had been a question I needed to know all along.  Yet I couldn't fathom it.  This guy asked me, "What makes you worthwhile?"

I went off and thought about that.  And the harder I thought about it the more I realized I had no idea.  As far as I could tell nothing I did would ever have any lasting value.  Eventually it would all become dust.  Now I knew the question, but I still couldn't find an answer.  This was worse then before.  I finally went back to the man and asked him.

He answered, "there is nothing you can ever do that will make you worthwhile, but God thinks you're worthwhile, He always has because He loves you."

I was stunned.  Why would God love me?  I knew I hadn't been very lovable, especially lately!  God thinks I'm worthwhile?  Why, how cold this be?  Now I had both the question and the answer and I was still lost!  My God, when would this end?  Yet somehow I knew both the question and answer were right.  I was left with the feeling of having a right answer in my heart, yet not having a clue in my head!

I still needed help.  And I knew I was still waiting on somebody to lead me to where I needed to be.

Part 6 - The Witness

Nearly 3 months had passed since I had asked God for help.  God had managed to send all sorts of messengers to me to help me.  Many of them not realizing they carried a message to me.  And while I was realizing something was going on, I was still waiting for somebody to come, for something to happen.  Then God sent His witness to me.

He came during a busy time.  Somebody who had actually tried to witness to me ten years before.  Somebody I had previously worked for, and now suddenly found myself working for again.  I came in looking for the two guys I was training.  There they were sitting in the office I shared with another fellow just talking back and forth.  I stood in the doorway and asked, "don't you guys have something important to do?"  When out of the corner came a reply, "they are doing something important".

Here I had done it again.  I had done opened my mouth and stuck my foot in once more.  Instead of replying I just said hello to the man who was now my boss's boss.  Then I sat down at my desk.  I knew Ken wasn't happy to see me.  I had interrupted whatever had been going on.  But I wanted to stay, and I didn't know  why.  Besides, when he was done with these guys I had work for them to do.

But over the course of the next two hours something strange happened.  Ken began to talk and ask questions.  And these things were all things I had been thinking about.  Especially about words.  We talked about how powerful words are.  How we
find ourselves saying things we wish we hadn't said.  When Ken left I began to wonder, is this the one?

The next day I was out in the plant when I had this sudden desire to go back to my office.  There he was again.  It's not like Ken was a frequent visitor to my office.  And it's not like he really knew these two guys he was talking with.  This time I just quietly came in and sat down to listen.  And again for about two hours we talked.

Now I found out later that Ken wasn't real happy to see me either time.  In fact he had complained to a friend that I kept interrupting his witness to these two guys.  Then his friend said, "maybe Rocky is the one you're really witnessing to."

The third day Ken came in and there I was again.  Now one of the things that did not escape my attention was that each time Ken came by no one would call me away.  This was more then unusual.  I held a key role in the activities that were going on.  It wasn't uncommon for the phone to be ringing off the hook, somebody to come looking for me or to be paged every 15 minutes.  Yet I was not called away once while Ken was there.  Another interesting thing I noted later was that not once did Ken mention God, religion or Jesus.  And yet the whole conversation was in reality about Jesus!

On that third day as we talked Ken looked me in the eye.  My heart seemed as if it would leap out of my chest.  I felt flushed, hot even.  Ken asked me, "Are you ready to get your heart right?"  My eyes filled with tears, " I simply answered yes".  He asked me how that made me feel.  I answered, "it makes me feel like crying".  Then he left, telling me we would talk again.

Part 7 - Birthday

The next day I kept looking, waiting, watching, hoping for Ken to come.  I felt alive when he came around.  And I so wanted to talk some more.  Or maybe it wasn't even a desire to talk, maybe just to listen.  All I know is I went home that night wishing he had come by.  He had something, and I was hungry.

Then came the day.  Feb 5th, 1989.  I'll always remember that date.  And perhaps it's not by coincidence that it happens also to be my mother's birthday.

For all the time I had not been busy while Ken came and we talked, this day I was nothing but busy.  In fact I had not eaten at all that day.  About two hours before I was supposed to leave that evening Ken came in to my office.  I was alone.  He asked me if I was busy.  I started to say I was nothing but busy, but instead I answered, "actually I just finished the last thing I have to do".

He asked me again, "are you ready to get your heart right?"  Again I said yes.

Part 8 - Born again, baptized with fire

We went off to a place where we wouldn't be interrupted.  It was wild.  I had never read the Bible, yet as Ken would quote scripture to me I knew it!  I understood it and knew it!  It was like having DeJa Vue.  I even mentioned this to Ken.  He told me that was God talking to both of us, and that I was hearing it as he was.  He kept asking me how I felt.  At first my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest.  Then I began feeling incredibly hot, like I was on fire.  I was sweating and yet I never felt better!  He kept talking about things of God and kept asking how I felt.  I remember telling him that whatever it was the feeling was better then any drug I had ever done!

Then he began to pray.  I felt this swirling sensation, almost as if there was this chase going on inside of me.  Like something was running and something was catching it.  Then Ken asked me if I believed in Jesus.  I could nod my head, but somehow I couldn't say the words.  It was as if something was trying desperately to keep me from saying it.  Somehow Ken knew this and just said, "you don't have to say it out loud, just keep saying it to yourself."

So as Ken prayed, I kept saying to myself, I believe in Jesus, I believe Jesus, I believe in Jesus.  Then it happened!  As the words finally came out of my mouth I saw something.  It was like a flame front hit me!  It looked just like a fire split in half.  I sat straight up.  It scared me!

Ken said I looked white as a sheet.  He asked me what happened.  Gee, I didn't know, all I knew to tell him was, "I saw something".  He asked what it looked like.  Well, truthfully I was afraid to tell him, cause I thought what I'd seen was hell!  Later the Lord showed me that I had seen the same thing the disciples had seen at Pentecost, cloven tongues of fire as the Holy Spirit ascended on them.

Now I had no idea about any of this at the time.  But I did know that somehow something incredible had happened to me.  And I knew it had something to do with God and Jesus.

Part 9 - Walking in the clouds

The next week is a week I'll never forget.  In fact the next day after I had my born again experience I interviewed for a job in another department.  They hired me during the interview before they had even finished interviewing all the applicants.  And as incredible as this may seem, 5 years later God used that interview as a witness to the man who interviewed me, but that's another story.

Suffice it to say that for the next week I had a song in my heart and my feet weren't touching the ground.  I was walking in the clouds.  I didn't understand it, but I was in the midst of the joy of the Lord.  For the first time in my life I knew I had found the meaning to my life, happiness had come.  I felt a sense of completion, belonging.  I had been dead, but now I was alive.

Rocky Chambers

Like so many others, I came from a broken and dysfunctional home. My father divorced my mentally ill mother a few years after my younger brother Jon’s birth, but not before inflicting deep psychological and emotional wounds through verbal, physical and possibly sexual abuse, thereby providing the fundamental doorways of demonic access into my life, even as a helpless and innocent child. In hindsight, I suspect he, or a caretaker, did the same to my brother.

Unfortunately my mother, due to her low tolerance for stress, chose to raise me while entrusting the care of my brother to her mother, who became the legal guardian until he reached adulthood. However, due to my grandmother’s close proximity, my brother and I spent a lot of those formative years developing a deep bond which has never been shared with any of my other family members or relatives. There were long periods of time where we did not have the opportunity to spend time together, owing to the fact that he sometimes stayed with my grandmother’s sister, though living in the same state as us, it made it difficult to see one another, other than the occasional visit.

As the years went by, symptoms of the abuse started manifesting, though I was completely ignorant of the source. The anxiety, fears, insecurities, low self-image, emotional instability and extremes first arose during pre-adolescence, and became an integral part of my existence.

School was a miserable chore. Being weak and socially insecure transformed me into a lonely outcast, immediately registering on the radars of bullies desirous of compounding my fractured and wounded soul. Physically unable to protect myself and emotionally vulnerable, I withdrew deeper and deeper into my tightly spun cocoon and, which, to a limited extent, operated as buffer against the abuses and rejection of my peers. On the other hand, this further isolated me and decreased the possibility of establishing any genuine friendships; further entrenching feelings of anger, resentment and hatred that violently swirled and roiled within.

The strong negative emotions of hate, anger, depression and an utter sense of powerlessness were my constant companions growing up. At the age of eleven, I regrettably chose self-mutilation as the primary outlet for releasing some of the violent pent-up emotional pressure. At one point, the pocketknife I intended to use to cut myself with folded on the little finger of my right hand, superficially embedding itself. After showing it to my mother, it was promptly removed, without any probing questions or seemingly much concern from her. The scar remains to this day.

On a more positive note, my brother and I did manage to make a friend from school. Jason was the only significant friendship that I had during those turbulent adolescent and early adulthood years. Over time, I got to know his family and younger siblings well. Jon and I often took turns (competed might be a better word) having him as an overnight guest. That friendship did help ease my loneliness and pull my out of my unwanted seclusion.

After entering my teenage years, I immediately became addicted to alcohol, following in the footsteps of my father, after getting drunk on some wine coolers that I obtained. Enjoying the escape it provided, I quickly took advantage of every opportunity to acquire it from that point on, becoming what is known as a “periodic drinker.”

Also, with puberty in full swing and powerful hormones raging, I dived into pornography and indulged in very dark and perverted fantasies. On one occasion, Jason and my brother attained a suitcase full of soft-core pornographic magazines while on a trip. An addictive personality and the constant entertaining of dark, turbulent desires are the key ingredients for a recipe for disaster, a fact later to be realized.

During the middle of my teenage years, my brother and I dabbled in Satanism. We purchased copies of Anton Szandor LaVey’s infamous book “The Satanic Bible.” It did not satisfy my spiritual hunger as he did not even believe in Satan or demons as real spiritual beings only as “archetypal images.” Furthermore, he only believed in impersonal “forces” in the universe that were responsible for any successful magical, ritualistic, or ceremonial endeavors. I was looking for something real and he was not it, though I did enjoy reading many of the statements written therein.

As I continued my moral and spiritual downward spiral, I rebelled against all authority. At the age of sixteen, I moved in with my brother and great aunt, as I could not stand to live with my mother any longer. She lived a fair distance away from my home town, which temporarily pacified my desire for “freedom.”

Sadly, the person renting the downstairs building from her was only too happy to provide me with all the alcohol I desired. That year was filled with drunken episodes and eventually heavy drug use which left me hospitalized in a psychiatric unit for a month. After my release, I went to live with my grandmother back in my home town until graduating high school by successfully completing the GED equivalency test.

Living in one of my grandmother’s rentals with my first cousin’s boyfriend, totally unsatisfied with all my efforts to fill the inner void in my heart thus far, I descended into hard-core Satanism. I made several blood pacts dedicating myself to Satan body, mind and spirit in return for demonic power. This resulted in severe demonization (i.e. the demons were able to manifest at will; taking control of my body and speaking through my vocal cords).

In honor of Satan, and to spite my aunt, I sacrificed her favorite cat by hanging it. That, and defacing my grandmother’s rental with inverted pentagrams (two points up with the goat head inside). In response, my grandmother had a police officer escort me out of her rental, which she was legally able to do as I was not a paying renter. She never reported the killing of her daughter’s cat.

Eventually my grandmother, out of the goodness of her heart, supplemented my disability income so that I was able to live by myself in a modest one bedroom apartment. This, however, was not what I needed. She was enabling me to continue on with my diabolical activities, reinforcing my rebellion against God and hatred of mankind.

My brother was locked up in CYA (California Youth Authority) for a number of serious crimes. One of which was breaking his girl friend out of Juvenile Hall. Even though my brother was the only one I truly loved, I only wrote him once or twice during the three or so years he was incarcerated.

Jon was released to a half-way house after he had served his sentence. I talked with him on the phone a few times before he left prematurely to go and live in one of my grandmother’s rentals. In so doing, he knowingly broke the law. He only had a few weeks to go but apparently could not wait to leave and had no intention of adhering to any probational rules.

He managed, with his resourcefulness, to obtain a canister of potassium cyanide, a highly poisonous substance. A few weeks later, the police found out where he was staying, and attempted to arrest him. Rather than go back to jail, he ingested some of the poison, dying almost instantly, his body falling down the stairs. Unbeknownst to me, that was the purpose of the poison. He was depressed before he was incarcerated, but his years in jail greatly magnified it.

His body was taken to a hospital and hooked up to various medical apparatuses intended to keep his body alive. But since he was brain dead, we told them to “pull the plug.” That date is forever stamped in my memory: July 28th, 1995.

I was totally devastated by his suicide but numbed enough by the anesthetic of shock to get through the funeral without completely “flipping out.” For the first couple of months, I put my occult activities and aspirations on hold in order to absorb the tremendous impact of his untimely demise. Gradually, the shock wore off, replaced by the full weight of grief and fierce rage over his tragic death.

Resuming my occultic activities with a vengeance (i.e. Ouija boards, seances, channeling demons, demonology, reading occult literature, demonic manifestations and phenomena), I funneled my energies into a deeper exploration of the demonic realm in order to achieve a cathartic release through supernaturally punishing and destroying those I hated, especially Christians.

Jason, my best friend, and ironically a Christian, participated in seances in which I would call up the demon of my choosing to manifest through me and speak to him and answer his questions. He also spent the night on many occasions where we would spend many hours playing Dungeons & Dragons, which was a strong obsession of mine, second only to actual occult activities and supernatural demonic phenomena.

Another friend of mine was present when I summoned a powerful demon to become my new spirit guide. My lust for power was causing me to stand on ever-thinning ice. There was a lot of demonic activity in my apartment. This included such things as cold spots, gentle breezes with windows closed, temperature drops, shadowy apparitions and various odors. Also, we were bitten, pinched and touched by unseen spirits at times. My place became a haven for many demons of various kinds arriving from the surrounding areas and beyond; usually exuding their evil presence at night.

Jason met a woman online from Canada who he ended up marrying. That was one reason, though certainly not the only, that he turned his back on me, permanently ending our friendship. My other friend, who had participated in a lot of my occult activities and experienced a number of supernatural manifestations with me, suddenly cut off with me too.

That, in conjunction with my brothers death, through me into a major mental and emotional tail-spin. It took a large amount of energy to keep myself in check. I made the decision to purchase a gun and go on a murderous rampage, killing as many as possible before being killed. I attempted to buy a gun through the legal route, but was unsuccessful due to my FBI record. I was guilty on all counts but the charges were summarily dropped and was never convicted due to the loving providence of God, otherwise I would be rotting in a federal penitentiary right now.

Wanting to glorify Satan in my killing spree, I received two tattoos from a professional tattoo artist. One was of a inverted pentagram on the palm of my left hand. The second one is a picture of Baphomet, a widely used Satanic symbol by Eliphas Levi, who is considered one of the master occultists of all time.

Fortunately, God used all of those painful and traumatic events to penetrate my black, rebellious heart with His Truth. Over the next few weeks, I considered the fate of my eternal soul. Realizing that if I died, I would go straight to Hell and it would definitely not be enjoyable nor would I rule with Satan for the rest of eternity. Instead, I knew it would be an agony of such magnitude that it would make all of the painful experiences of my life rolled into one pale in comparison in just the first moments of an eternity of absolute and utter separation from God! Even though those thoughts filled me with fear, I stubbornly refused to turn my life over to God.

It turns out that in my attempt to acquire a gun through the black market my life was threatened at gun point. In my car, in the middle of the night and parked in a bad neighborhood with three drug dealers/addicts as passengers, I made a bargain with God saying, “If you get me through this, we will see.” He did get me through that incident but still I did not commit my life to Him until they came to my apartment one day in the early morning falsely accusing me of theft. They were just looking for money so they could get high. That was my breaking point. Having no money, I lied and told him I would get it so that he could come back later and collect it.

I drove to my grandmother’s house and shared the dangerous incident with her, frightening her. But, much to her credit, she stood by me. I stayed with her for a few weeks seriously contemplating Heaven and Hell and the obvious need to fully commit my life to God.

On July 28th, 1996, the first anniversary of my brother’s tragic suicide, I talked with a Christian who I had scorned and rejected. After talking to him, without any prompting from him, I decided to completely surrender my life to Jesus Christ. God miraculously took away the grief over Jon’s death and it has never returned. I did not actually say what Christians refer to as the “sinner’s prayer” until two days later.

After arriving at the condo of this Christian friend and his two roommates, I revealed my involvement in hard-core Satanism, sharing some of my occultic activities, and expressed my desire to fully commit my life to Jesus Christ. Feeling unprepared, they brought in two reinforcements.

The demons manifested in a rage, injuring one who attempted to restrain it. However, after much effort I was eventually able to say the name of Jesus Christ, asking Him to forgive all of my sins, come into my heart and make me a new creation. After a struggle, I was able to declare my full surrender to Christ and utter repudiation of Satan and his kingdom. However, no demons were cast out at the time, as they were unprepared and ignorant on how to accomplish it.

The next day all of us went to the mid-week service at a local church where I had an appointment to meet with the one of the associate pastors for prayer. The demons within me were enraged and frightened at this radical turn of events.

Before the start of the service, I happened to engage a Brazilian missionary in conversation. I commented on the prevalence of black magic and occultism in that country. This led to informing her of my desertion of Satanism and conversion to Christianity the day before. She promptly bound the demons, thus restricting their activity and forbidding any manifestation during the service.

After joining the service, I was seated between one of the men who had participated in the encounter the night before and his wife. After having been deserted by practically all of my other “friends,” this strong show of love and support from a group of Christians that I did not know deeply touched my heart.

I have no memory of what happened in the service or what message the pastor preached on. The Holy Spirit moved upon my heart causing me to hold their hands and weep. Other than that, there is little else I recall about the service.

After the end of the service, all of us congregated in an adjacent room for prayer with one of the associate pastors and a burly usher present. Even though he was not much more informed on the subject of deliverance (the Christian term for the casting out of demons), the Lord graciously set me free from a number of them with a negligible amount of violence or acting out.

In order to fully separate myself from Satan’s kingdom I knew I needed to “clean house.” That is, I had to remove everything in my possession that was evil and attracted, like a magnet attracts iron, demonic spirits to me. My music collection of black and heavy metal bands and other ungodly music designed to arouse demonic activity and inspire impure desires were destroyed. Pornography, black candles, incense and censer, black robe, jewelry, Dungeons & Dragons manuals and material were all put in trash bags and thrown in the dumpster. Unfortunately, I did not follow the biblical example of burning my occult books, but at least they were thrown away. All of my horror, fantasy and occultic books and movies went too. Last but certainly not least, all of my blood pacts were burned.

During the next few weeks I enjoyed my “honeymoon” with the Lord, unfortunately believing it would continue indefinitely. However, after it was over, the war with the powers of darkness began in earnest, catching me completely off guard. The demons have done everything they could to take my life in the ensuing years, but have been unsuccessful due to the loving and sovereign protection of Almighty God.

It is all-or-nothing with Christ. Without the absolute commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ and deep hunger to know Him, I would never have made it. That is how gravely serious this war is. My commitment has been tested to the extreme, but with the sustaining power and loving support of God, I am able to testify to the matchless grace and mercy of God to save to the uttermost.

Throughout the years, the Lord has matured me and helped me throw away a great deal of unwanted “baggage” from my past, setting me free from things I thought I would struggle with for the rest of my life. Self-mutilation, my primary outlet for dealing with inner turmoil and the painful issues of life for ten long years, vanished at conversion. The desire for demonic power and addiction to witchcraft also came to an end on that glorious day.

On Thanksgiving Day in 1998, I was totally freed from my dependency on alcohol. In fact, regardless of the level of stress I have been under since then, I have never had any desire to “escape” into the bottle. Furthermore, I quit drugs when I was Satanism and have never resorted to them since, as I did not enjoy its effects.

My health has greatly improved due to the breaking of my addiction to cigarettes. The desire has been so utterly removed that no amount of exposure to smoking causes me to stumble.

God has broken the pride that is so characteristic of those coming out of deep involvement with the occult and replaced it with a humble spirit and submissiveness to His will. He continues to mold and shape me into His image.

The Lord has taken away virtually all of my lust and, in time, will finish the job. He has called me to a life of celibacy, which I wholeheartedly embrace, having had no sexual relations since my conversion. Furthermore, I am called to be single, being married only to Him.

My heart, once so cold and calloused, has been softened and tenderized. He has replaced violent rage with gentleness, patience and longsuffering. He has given me a love for the unlovely and a passion to reach those trapped in Satan’s kingdom with the Light of Jesus Christ. I pray that my life and words will encourage those who are crushed by hopelessness, despair and in desperate need of comfort with the Good News of God’s love. My entire life I desperately searched for something real that would satisfy that deep, dark void my heart. I found it in a person. His name is Jesus Christ!

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38,39

Here is the testimony from Caspar that we promised we would share with you. This is an amazing true story about how he was miraculously healed by the Lord. It's well worth taking a few minutes to read about how God is working. I believe it will encourage you.

Some years ago I was involved with Broadway, playing the part of the John Lennon in Beatlemania, and also recording as a solo artist for Atlantic Records. With my career going the way it was, a lot of people would think I was in the midst of fulfilling the American dream, but in actuality, it was a very stressful time in my life. My mother had died from cancer and then my father was murdered shortly thereafter. Little did I know that it would all take its toll on me some years later.

It was my friend, Phil Keaggy, who lead me to the Lord back then, and helped me to break free from secular music, and learn to live my life for the Lord, Jesus Christ. I will always be grateful to Phil for sharing Jesus with me and for being such a good role model to me. Anyway, I was out playing here and there doing concerts, and ran into some difficulties a few years ago. Somehow I managed to come down with a heart condition. We are talking serious stuff here. I discovered that it also ran in my family tree, but having been an orphan now for a number of years, I did not know anything about this at first. The Bible talks about blessings and curses, and the sins of the Father being passed on to the third and forth generations. (Read Exodus 34:7, Deuteronomy Chapt 28, II Timothy 3:16 and Galations 3:10-3:29) I will tell you that I did not grow up in a Christian home.

I was sent to see a cardiologist after a week in hospital in the fall of '99, and the future looked pretty grim. I had just acquired a young 3 year old Tennessee Walking horse, as I have been an equestrian most of my life, and am as passionate about horses, as I am about art and music. I was told I would never ride again. Soon I was put on some very dangerous medicines, that actually have caused sudden death, the very thing it is supposed to prevent. Being a believer, I desperately ran after the Lord. Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." I was at a church service in Dallas, GA about that time. My friend, Eddie Rogers, who was a pastor there prophesied over me, and told me the Lord would heal me and I would receive a miracle, and live a long healthy life. Eddie helped me understand that the Lord wants to heal us, but we still have our part to play. I mean, not everyone gets saved, and yet the Bible teaches that God wants to save all of us that none shall parish. Of course you can see God wants to heal all of us as well, but we still have a part to play. We have choices to make. How many times in the Bible did Jesus say to someone, "your faith has healed you?! " So faith must have a part in getting one healed. Without faith we can not even be saved. You are saved by faith! ( If you have not yet been healed, I am not saying that maybe you don't have enough faith, because God gives us all a measure of faith. Faith can increase, however."So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God"-- Romans10:17 ) Also, "as a man thinkth so he is." So I came to that place where I had to ask myself, "Whose report are you going to believe?" I sought after the Lord Jesus, day and night and discovered Hebrews 13:8 that God is the same yesterday, today and forever. Malachi 3:6 He changes not!

So I got to thinking, "when did he stop doing miracles?" My friends the Newsboys all prayed for me and the lead singer, Peter Furler told me his dad, Bill, had prayed for a blind man once, back in Australia and he received his sight. My good friend Seth Barnes of AIM, (Adventures in Missions) encouraged me in the Word, and also showed me amazing reports from around the world where the Lord was still doing miracles, healing people, and even raising some from the dead. He got me to read a book by Jack Deere, Surprised by the Spirit, and in it I found stories that also helped build my faith. There was one story of a young boy who had been dead over six hours, and a evangelist from North Carolina, named Mahesh Chavda was used to pray him back to life with many witnesses. Yes, this happened in our life time. Read your Bible and see for yourselves. It talks about casting out evil spirits and raising the dead. (Mark 16 and Matt 10:7-8--KJV) After the Holy Spirit came upon them even the Apostles did these things. As believers we are told "this and greater things shall you do!" Many Christians just do not study the Word for themselves, but trust their pastor instead to think for them, which actually puts extra burdens on the pastor. No offence, but they are still just men too, and in Romans 7 Saint Paul admits the things he wants to do he does not always do, and the things he does not want to do-- that he does, because of the evil that dwells within. All of us have fallen short, of the glory of God. What I am trying to say is you need Jesus Christ to be Lord over all of your life-- every aspect of it. So make sure all the thoughts you have line up with what God says. Think holy words always!

Anyway, I started looking for the Lord in a number of Churches and ministries and as He said, "seek and you shall find!" Eventually I ended up at Pleasant Valley Ministries in Thomaston, GA. After receiving ministry there, I was healed of a so-called incurable heart disease! Then in July 2001 I was there for a church service just a week after I was ordained as a minister, which was also the same day I was taken off heart medicine. I was asked to share my gifts of music in that service, but instead of doing so, I began to have heart trouble, of which I knew I was already healed. My Doctor, Terri Allen of Montgomery, Alabama, (the Fit Center) who to me is the best doctor in the world, was with me at the time. I recall her taking my pulse and looking very concerned, but saying, "we have tried medicine, now we must just trust in the Lord," and she kept praying for me all through this time.

After the service had ended, I was talking to Pastor Henry and his staff, and I suddenly started to pass out. Actually, I was dying right there on the alter of the Lord. Dr. Terri, was taking my pulse. For two and half hours it had been faint and irregular, and was at this moment completely gone! All I recall was hearing Pastor Henry say," I know how to deal with this." Pastor Henry prayed at this time, apparently casting out a spirit of death. I recall Dr. Terri telling me how astonishing that was because she had her finger on my pulse, and it was non-existant. The instant Pastor Henry prayed, my pulse came back so strong and healthy that it pushed her finger off, which had never happened to her before in all her years of medical practice and ER duties.

It's impossible to have no pulse and then suddenly have a normal healthy one. Anita Hill, who is a nurse and Pastor Henry's assistant, was taking my pulse on the other hand and had the exact same experience as Dr, Terri. The Bible tells us, "Nothing is Impossible with God!" In a tape series called " Spirit World Realities 2002 " by Pastor Henry, he mentions this story and goes on to say,"What should we have done? Called 911? It would have been too late. We called on the name of Jesus, and Caspar is alive and well today!"

Pastor Henry Wright, is one of the most Christ-like men I have ever met in my life. I believe he operates in all nine gifts of the Holy Spirit. I am eternally grateful to him for the work he does in ministry to teach the truth and set people free. I believe perhaps, thousands of people have been healed of all sorts of terrible diseases by the Lord, through this ministry all around the world. I would strongly suggest you take a look at the book, A More Excellent Way, and also Biblical Foundations for Freedom, which were transcribed from Pastor Henrys teaching of the Word. If you have not yet heard of it, you can order it at 800 453 5775.

A few months ago I was preaching at a Church, and Dr Terri drove over four hours both ways, just to help me testify to what I have just shared. When Dr. Terri shared her side of the story at the end of the service, she went on to say that indeed, it would have been to late to call 911, and that I had already been on last ditch medicine. There was nothing anyone could have done to save me. I ask you, do we serve a Living God or what?!!! All Praise be to my Lord Jesus Christ, I thank Him everyday for my now good health, for allowing me to still be here to watch my children grow up in the knowledge of the Lord, to be here for my wife, family, and friends, and to ride my horse again, to make music and art unto the Lord, and serve Him through this ministry. Alleleuia!

I was born into a Catholic family, the oldest of four children. My parents were/are really good people. We didn't go to church alot as I was growing up. We lived on a farm and between the distance to travel to church and milking cows, etc., we just didn't make it to town for church alot. 

My parents did manage to put us into parochial school through the primary grades, and then into CCD so we received all the sacraments on time. Shortly after my confirmation, I really went off the deep end. I ran with a crowd that was into "sex, and drugs and rock-n-roll" and I embraced that lifestyle fully. 

At 19 I met a guy on a Harley and rode away with him (he's now my husband). I never told my family I was leaving, I just left and they never heard from me for a year and half, until my son was born. A couple of years later I really hit rock bottom and went back home to my parents along with my son.  We had lost our 2nd child, my husband was sent to prison, and I had my 2nd abortion around this time.  They took me back in and helped me to start to rebuild my life.  I went to college while my husband did time.  Afterwards we got back together and we started doing pretty well.  We both got good jobs, we had plenty of money coming in, and things were looking up.

And this is when I started to think about God. It wasn't when I was at "rock bottom", then I was just trying to survive. It was when everything was looking up and going great, it suddenly hit me, there must be more to life than this. So I started to seek. I figured if there was a God, then the Bible was probably a good place to look to find out about Him. At this point I considered going back to the Catholic Church, but quite frankly, I was certain that no priest would be able give me absolution, because there was not a single one of the 10 commandments that I had not broken. And yet all along, I felt that if there was a God worth knowing, then He could possibly forgive me.

I read everything I could get my hands on about the Bible at the public library and began trying to read and understand the Bible. I went through everything from "higher criticism" to very orthodox Christian writers, with plenty of prophecy stuff thrown in for good measure. And just to help me along, the Lord sent me a couple of Jehovah's Witnesses as well!  

They befriended me and I began to meet with them as well as continuing to study on my own in a very eclectic manner.  After about 18 months of meeting weekly with the witnesses they began to press me to attend meetings with them.  At this point I earnestly prayed to God, that if He was out there, I needed to hear from Him about the beliefs of the witnesses.  Within a couple of days, I was at the public library again and ran across a copy of Kingdom of the Cults, by Dr. Walter Martin.  I read the section on the JW's.  The good Dr. carefully pointed out the errors of the Witnesses by using scripture and this was what I needed to see in order walk away from them.  

I remember that these words came to my mind at that time:  "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free."  And I was free of the JW's but also, I was feeling lost, and I didn't know where to turn for the truth.

After a process of about 3 years of study, I was reading Josh McDowell's "Ev... that Demands a Verdict" one night. As I read through it I realized that everything Josh was talking about and giving proofs for, I already believed. This was what my soul longed for. And at the end of the book, when Josh gives his testimony, it really hit me, that just as Josh had prayed ". . . Lord I've tried doing it my way and made a mess of my life, now I want to try it Your way. . . " (or something to that effect), I had really made a mess of my life. And I was ready to try it God's way. So that night as I lay in my bed, I prayed and asked Jesus to be my saviour. And He said He would.

Well, after that I wanted to be in a church, and I began to pray and ask the Lord to guide me to a church. And my good friend who lived next door and was Catholic invited me to go with her to mass, so I did. I was excited, but when we walked into the beautiful church and I saw the two story high mural of the Virgin Mary behind the altar, well, it just upset me. I was wanting to share in praising my Jesus, and instead the place of honor was given to His mother. I never went back, but the next week a co-worker invited me to his church. It was a small non-denominational church that studied the Bible chapter by chapter, verse by verse. The pastor taught in an expositional style. The people were friendly, warm and really excited about what God was doing in their lives. So God had answered my prayer, and brought me into a Church fellowship that He had prepared just for me, (and me for them!).

I just want to add that, my parent's unconditional love, the way they took me back in after all I had done, has been a picture to me of God's love. If not for them, I'm not sure I would have believed that God could ever accept me, but because they could, I was able to believe that He could.  And I also want to encourage everyone who wonders about God and truth to just pray and ask Him, and He will reveal Himself you at just the right time.  

He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

My name is Walid , I was born in Bethlehem, Israel. On the day that I was born it was one of the holiest days to Islam, that day was the birthday of the Muslim prophet Mohammad (Al-Mauled Al-Nabawi). This was an honor to my father, for that he named me (Walid) which relates to the Arabic word (Mauled) in English (The Birth), to always remember the birthday of the Muslim prophet.

My father was a Palestinian Muslim who taught English and Islamic studies in the Holy Land, and my mother was an American who married my father during his studies in the United States in the year of 1956.

Fearing the American way of life with two children and while my mother was pregnant with me, my parents left to live in Israel in 1960 which was called Jordan at that time, and when they arrived to Bethlehem I was born. As my father changed jobs we moved to Saudi Arabia then back to the Holy Land this time to the lowest place on Earth, Jericho.

I did not forget the first song I learned in school just before the six day war titled "Arabs our beloved and Jews our dogs." I used to wonder at that time who the Jews were, but repeated with the rest of the kids the words without any knowledge of the meaning.

As I grew up in the Holy Land I lived through several battles between the Arabs and the Jews, the first battle (while we lived in Jericho) was the Six Day War when the Jews captured old Jerusalem and the rest of Palestine. This was a great disappointment to Arabs and Muslims worldwide.

The American Council in Jerusalem came just before the war to evacuate all the Americans in the area, since my mother was an American, but my father refused and turned them down because he loved his country. I still remember many things during the war; the noise of the bombing and shelling that went on day and night for six days, the looting of stores and houses by the Arabs in Jericho and people running to cross the Jordan river from fear of the Israelis.

The war was called the six day war because it was won in six days and on the seventh day a Rabbi by the name of Goren blew the ram's horn on the wailing wall in Jerusalem declaring the victory. Many Jews claim that this was a parallel to Joshua when he went around the walls of Jericho six times, then on the seventh day seven times, and on that day the priests blew the trumpets and everyone shouted with one voice and took the city. To my father in Jericho it seemed that the walls have crumbled on him, during the war he was always listening to the Jordanian radio station, he used to say that the Arabs are wining the war, but he was listening to the wrong station, the Israeli station who was announcing the truth of their soon coming victory, instead my father chose to believe the Arabs who claimed that the Israelis are promoting propaganda.

Later on we moved back to Bethlehem and my father enrolled us in an Anglican-Lutheran school as they had a better English course, my brother, sister and myself where the only Muslims in the school, and being half Americans teachers would beat us and students would laugh at us, when the Bible class started I would leave the class and remained outside waiting, one day I walked in the Bible class and the class 'bully' stood up to fight, he shouted "we don't want this half American and Muslim to be here", I refused to get out and the Lady who was teaching the class asked me to sit down, since then I changed the schools policy and for the first time the school allowed a Muslim to study the Bible, and for the next three years I studied it despite all the mocking.

Later my father transferred me to the Government school where I grew in the faith of Islam, in which I was fed the idea that one day a fulfillment of an ancient prophecy by the Muslim prophet Mohammed will come to pass, this prophecy foretold a battle in which the Holy Land would be recaptured and the elimination of the Jews would take place in a massive slaughter.

This prophecy in fact is documented in Mohammed's Book of Traditions which states the following:

"The day of judgment shall not come to pass until a tribe of Muslims defeat a tribe of Jews".

During my youth like my father I was always tuned to Islam and what our Muslim teachers taught. Believing in Muhammad's prophecy I offered my life to 'Jihad' or 'Holy War' as the only means to obtain either victory or martyrdom. In Islam martyrdom is the only way you can ensure salvation and entry to heaven especially since Allah and his prophet Mohammed promised it, as the Quran states it:

"Do not think of whom are killed for the cause of Allah (in a Holy War), to be dead but living with their Lord receiving his blessing".

During school riots against what we called the Israeli occupation I would prepare speeches, slogans, and write anti-Israel graffiti in an effort to provoke students to throw rocks at the armed Israeli soldiers. We shouted "No peace or negotiations with the enemy", "Our blood and our souls we sacrifice to Arafat", "Our blood and our souls we sacrifice to Palestine", "Death to the Zionists" etc....

I vowed to fight my Jewish enemy believing that I was doing God's will on earth, and was true to my word as I participated in many riots against the Israeli army, always trying to inflict harm to them and by all means and methods I could come up with. I would start and participate in any riot I can make, in schools, streets, and even on the holiest place (the Temple mount site) in Jerusalem called by Arabs (Al-Masjid Al-Aqsa), and all through high school I would always be one of the first to provoke a riot.

Many others got involved in terror tactics against the Jews using bombs and armed assaults on Jews as to force them to leave Israel, but they never could pluck them out.

Nothing could change my heart, I could only die or a miracle needed to happen. The simplest way to describe myself is that I was one of those whom one would view on CNN throwing rocks and molotov cocktails in the days of the Intifada or 'The Uprising', I was one of these who Jews would call a terrorist, the interesting thing is that I was not only terrorizing but I was terrorized by my beliefs, since I had to gain enough merit and good deeds to go to heaven but never was sure if my good deeds would outweigh my bad deeds in the scale when I get judged by God, of course to die fighting the Jews will ease Allah's anger towards my sin and I will be secured in a good spot in heaven with beautiful wide eyed women to fulfill my most intimate desires, either way I will win, and terror was the only way.

I remember one time in Bethlehem all viewers clapped their hands with joy in a jam packed theater watching the movie "21 Days in Munich". The moment we saw the Palestinians throwing grenades in the helicopter, killing the Israeli athletes, hundreds of viewers yelled "Allahu akbar" (Allah is the greatest). This is the slogan of joy used by Muslims for victorious events.

I remember students used to ask the teacher during our Islamic studies in Bethlehem High school, if it was permitted for Muslims to rape the Jewish women after we defeat them, his response was "The women captured in battle have no choice in this matter, they are concubines and they need to obey their masters, having sex with slave captives is not a "matter of choice for slaves.", this in fact was written in the Koran, for it says:

"Forbidden to you also are married women, except those who are in your hand as slaves, this is the law of Allah for you." -- Sura: The Women (al-Nisa, verse 20)

And in a different verse the Koran says:

"O prophet; we allowed thee thy wives to whom thou hast paid their dowries, and the slaves whom thy right hand possesseth out of the booty which Allah hath granted thee, and the daughters of thy uncle, and of thy maternal aunt, who fled with thee to Medina, and any believing woman who hath given herself up to the prophet, if the prophet desired to wed her, a privilege to thee above the rest of the faithful". -- Sura: Confederates (al-Ahzab verse 50)

We had no problem with Mohammed taking advantage of this privilege as he married 14 wives for himself and several slave girls from the booty he collected as a result of his victorious battles, we really never knew how many wives he had and that question was always a debatable issue to us, one of these wives was taken from his own adopted son 'Zaid', as Allah declared that she was given to the prophet, others were Jewish captives forced into slavery after Mohammed beheaded their husbands and families.

In an attempt to change the hearts of Palestinians the Israeli T.V. station would show Holocaust documentary on T.V., I would sit and watch cheering the Germans while I chewed on food, It was impossible for me to change my mind or heart concerning Jews, only a "heart transplant" will do that job.

They took our school once to a Jewish camp on the cost of Eshdod for a week to mingle us with other Jewish schools, that didn't work, on the contrary, every teacher who spoke to a Jew was mocked.

My mother on the other hand tried to teach me a different idea at home she called God's plan, she spoke to me about Bible prophecy, she said that the return of the Jews was pre-planned by God and was fulfilled, this to her was Gods miracle in our generation, for the World to see that "his will shall be done."

She also told me about many future events to be fulfilled in our generation which is surfacing every day now, she told me of false Messiahs and counterfeits; but all that had little effect, for my heart was set on fighting against the Jews.

My mother was influenced by an American Missionary couple, who she asked secretly to baptize her, and when she refused to be baptized in a pond full of green algae the missionary priest had to plead to the YMCA in Jerusalem to clear the pool from men, and my mother was baptized, no one knew from our family.

Many times my mother would take me on trips to several museums in Israel, and I fell in love with archeology, and was fascinated with it, in many arguments with her I would bluntly tell her that the Jews and Christians corrupted the Bible, she responded by taking me to the scroll museum in Jerusalem and showed me the scroll of Isaiah, still intact but there was no one taking pictures of any Bible errors to prove of any corruption and I could not respond to my mother.

I remember when I still tormented my mother by calling her an "infidel" and a damned American Imperialist who claimed that Jesus is the Son of God. I'd show her the pictures in the news paper of all the teenagers supposedly martyred as a result of violence demanding her for answers, I hated her and always asked my father to divorce her and re-marry a good Muslim woman.

I would even pose with a grim and sad face for the school picture as if I knew that my turn to be in the paper as a martyr would be next, as many times I risked being killed during youth protests and clashes with the Israeli Army.

I lived in Israel during the Six Day War, the P.L.O. resistance, the Jordanian black September civil war, the bloody wars in Lebanon, and the war of Yom Kippur, with no hope to destroy Israel, all these losses and we still hoped for that one victory since that is all what it takes to destroy them.

My parents worried a lot about me as I got thrown in prison by the Israeli Army, my mother went to the American Council in Jerusalem to try to get me out, she was so stressed her hair started to fall, in jail I learned more about the art of terrorism and when I got out I was more fanatic than before.

When I graduated from high school they sent me to the United States to seek a higher education, and of course I got involved with many anti-Israeli social and political events. I still remember my favorite sick joke I used to like to tell my friends, that I hated Hitler very much because he never got the job done, that is: he never finished the Jewish problem "once and for all".

With Hitler being my idol, and Mohammed my prophet, I went on with my life with little regard for Jews, Christians, or anyone who was not a Muslim. I believed that one day the whole World will submit to Islam, and that the whole world owes the Palestinians for their loss in all the battles with Israel, I also believed that Jews were prophet-killers and that they corrupted the Scriptures to serve their evil desires. This is what Muslims teach, they also teach that Mohammed is our only redeemer and God's favored prophet.

As I lived in America I could not forget the hundreds of thousands of Muslims who died just in the last 20 years in Iran, Iraq, Kuwait, Syria, Jordan, Lebanon, Afghanistan, and in every single Muslim nation, I had to get revenge for them, and someone had to pay the price, and of course there is no question in my mind that the Jews had to pay the penalty, somehow we always managed to twist things together and make it their fault.

One day I fought with a man and struck his eye blind, I was so happy to learn that the man was a Jew.

I was fascinated with Islamic history as I learned that the Islamic prophet Mohammed extradited a Jewish tribe from Saudi Arabia and ordered the be-heading of all the men from another tribe, the women were taken as concubines. I used to believe as Islam taught, only a Caliph (Islamic ruler) can rule the world. Islam is not a religion for one's personal and moral life, but a system of law and government to the whole world, if not achieved through peaceful means would have to wage war against all whom do not submit to Islam, and with one billion Muslims living today I believed that it could happen.

I'll be honest; All my life I was terrified every time I read the Koran, as after every other verse is always the threats of hell fire for this sin and that, when all I wanted is to reach out to my maker to say I am sorry, forgive me, give me another chance, but I failed to keep count of all my sins and my good deeds, and I was sure that at the end, my sins will outweigh my good deeds, so I lived my sinful life depending on the love and mercy of my maker. I always wondered about my destiny, lost in my fears and doubts, I really hated the idea of killing for my salvation, and in reality I never had the heart to kill a rat!, how then can I kill a Jew !!!.

Sometime in 1992 I was fascinated when I read a book titled "Armageddon, Appointment With Destiny", by Grant Jeffrey. Some of the things explained in This book had many detailed prophecies about Jesus: his birth, life, death and resurrection; and the re-creation of the state of Israel. Many of these prophecies came to pass just as God put them down in the Bible! What also amazed me, is to find out that the chances for a man to predict hundreds of historic events written hundreds and thousands of years before their occurrences are one in zillions... what is more fascinating is that the margin of error had to be zero, especially when the fulfillment of many of these prophecies are happening in my generation. This kind of evidence had to come from a divine origin, that origin had to be God Almighty.

The struggle began, I was puzzled, how could the Bible be a fake and corrupted by the Jews if the land I grew in spoke and cried out, as thousands of pieces of archeological evidence surfaced from the land of Israel, confirming the Bible, and the book of Isaiah was discovered in the Qumran caves was by a Muslim next town from Bethlehem by the name of (Muhammad Deib), he was looking for a lost sheep, from that discovery they found the rest of the Old Testament which confirming the Old Testament Bible in our hands today with hundreds of verses predicting the coming of Jesus Christ.

I had to read the Bible to know who Jesus really is to find out for myself, and God finally led me to get to the bottom line, I started reading what Jesus said:

"I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end, who was and is to come, the Almighty". Revelation 1:8

Christ also said to the Jews:

Truly, truly I say to you; before Abraham was born I AM (God. John 8:58

It amazed me to find similar claims between Jesus and Mohammed. These claims were serious, as Mohammed said:

"I am the beginning of all creation and the last prophet",

he also said:

"I was a prophet of Allah while Adam was still being molded in clay",

and moreover he claimed to be the intercessor for Muslims in the day of judgment, by all of these claiming to be the World's last and final prophet and savior.

These things always puzzled me. If Mohammed claimed all what he claimed than who was Jesus who claimed to be our redeemer and savior, that question troubled me a great deal, one of the two claims had to be a lie, if their was two redeemers this would be association with God since God is the only redeemer.

Christ or Mohammed had to be the redeemer and intercessor for mankind, the Bible or the Koran had to be correct, one of them is pure gold and the other had to be a fake, but which one...?

Vowing to make a decision for "The Truth", I stayed up late many nights comparing many details between the Koran and the Bible, at some point during my study I prayed saying: "GOD, you are the creator of heaven and earth, the God of Abraham, Moses, and Jacob, you are the beginning and the end, you are 'The Truth', 'the only Truth', the maker of the true scripture, the one and only word of God. I suffer to find your truth, I want to do your will in my life, I long for your love and in the name of 'The Truth' I ask. AMEN!!!"

I wanted real gold and would not settle for an imitation, I had to scratch very hard to look beyond the surface of the worlds plastic religions.

I believed in the Koran as the word of God because it had modern scientific laws, and only a book with a divine origin can have scientific facts written a thousand years before their discovery. I spent a month using a computer program searching for scientific clues in the Bible. Every verse in the Koran that was a scientific miracle that led me and millions of Muslims to believe in the Koran was already in the Bible. Many stories in the Koran had serious errors and with my knowledge on history and archeology I knew that the Koran had serious faults.

With many of these discoveries my claim that the Koran was a miracle was in question, as the Bible had all of it's miracles hundreds and thousands of years before, my foundation shook and I felt the sinking sand under me. Even the nations mentioned by the prophet Ezekiel in chapter 38 whom God will destroy, most of them are Muslim nations growing towards Islamic Fundamentalism today.

What also helped me is that God led me to discover through my study of the Bible, hundreds of detailed and unique verses concerning prophecies fulfilled to the letter, no man has ever presented such detailed predictions of future events without having more errors than truth, God is the only one that hold the key to future events, and only the Bible has the key, not the Koran which lacks that most important elements, "Salvation and Redemption". I knew at that moment I would have to be a fool knowing all of this and continue worshipping a different God than the God of the Bible, as I really thought with my prayer that God will lead me to the Koran, but that was not the case with me, in fact it was the other way around, I had to give up my pride and be open minded to truth.

God said in the Bible:

For I am God, and there is no other; I am God and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times things are not yet done, saying my counsel shall stand, and I will do all My pleasure. -- Isaiah 46.

God did not only foretell future events, but declared them and brought them to pass, unlike the Koran which simply used terror tactic to conform Muslims to believe. Since I did not believe that the Bible was corrupted, I spent many days searching the Bible for Mohammad as he claimed to be in it, but never found him, and if the Bible has been corrupted it had to have happened after the prophet Mohammed, since the Koran always addressed the Bible that was 'between his hands' at his time. From that time until now Muslims failed to provide one single Bible from the face of the Earth to prove the corruption, and not one historical or archeological evidence has been discovered to disprove the Bible.

Even the death of that Muslim prophet was different than the death of Jesus, as Mohammed died on his favorite wife's lap "Aisha" while Jesus died on the cross in order to redeem man's sins.

I felt sad that hundreds of millions of Muslims today live without ever hearing or being challenged with this kind of evidence.

It was astonishing to me to find that Muslims and the rest of the World recognizes three main religions that worship God, even though God said that He is One and his Word is One.

I was blind, but with the Bible only I began to see, I mean really SEE !!!, with so much Biblical prophecy fulfilled, showing the return of Israel from the grave, the attitudes of Muslims and the world towards Jews that the end time is near.

Man has never changed he still kills his brother as Cain killed his brother Abel, the only difference is that we don't behead and stab each other in battles as much as we used to, we simply wage chemical warfare to exterminate each other like bugs, as human life is becoming less and less valuable. I began to see that sin is the source of all man's problems, and that the Devil is man's worst enemy, not the Jews, of whom Hitler exterminated 6 million Jews less than 50 years ago and what is ironic today is that tons of literature is being sold denying the incident even existed. I wondered what would happen if a Hitler or a Mehdi or an Islamic Khalifa (Caliph) comes up to power and has what we have today: all these nuclear bombs capable of destroying Earth seven times over. God led me to look at the World that I live in and ask myself if the world today so foolishly denies the Jewish Holocaust despite all the evidence we have, why should I still wonder why most of the world today deny the messianic claim of Christ and the accuracy of the Bible, especially when the evidence is all around.

God opened my heart and mind and led me to see how people today deny all the proofs he provided for us in his word, and adapting themselves to false forms of worship.

The Lord began to show me the satanic influences which affected my way of thinking regardless of my Islamic background which I used to think were from God.

I was led to view the World and the meaning of life and saw the need for salvation. We all can see today man's goal for a World Government waiting for the Devil to be the king !

"Babylon" is being revived from the grave to unite the world one more time, we only changed it's name to "The New World Order", when it should be called "The New Babylon". I started reading the Bible and began to wonder why Zechariah prophesied:

"For I will gather all the nations to battle against Jerusalem, the city shall be rifled, and the women ravished". -- Zechariah 14:2

In Islam I was taught that the second coming of the Messiah was in Islamic prophecy, he was portrayed as the one to break the cross and kill the pig, another setup for Muslims to follow the "false" messiah, the Mehdi, the coming Antiochos Epiphinias.

Contrary to Mohammed's prophecy, the Bible prepares its readers that the outcome of the siege in the time of Jacob's trouble will not be the total annihilation of the Jews, but that Christ himself will descend on the Mount of Olives for judgment as he fights the enemies of Israel. Unfortunately, it will be too late for repentance and redemption for non-believers.

The saddest part is that hatred towards Jews is not an old out moded idea from the far past, but millions of Muslims today have the same sick idea that one day they will do the same to all Jews in the Holy Land as Mohammed did to the Jews in Saudi Arabia.

In fact the permission to kill Jews and Christians, and take their wives as concubines was engraved in the Islamic "Holy Koran", and is the main cause for the hatred of Jews by Muslims to this very day.

The word "Truth" was stuck in my heart day and night, pounding on my soul as I continued to compare the two books, to finally conclude that the Bible can be proven beyond any shadow of a doubt to be true gold, not only by hundreds of ancient prophecies that came to pass, but by one ancient word created by God from the time of Jacob until our generation, for all who doubt, and that word was and still is 'Israel'.

Israel's existence today, and the re-gathering of the Jews from ALL parts of the world, is an irrefutable proof, that the Holy Bible is the true Word of God, as God scattered them throughout the whole world, and re-gathered them again from ALL nations back to their original land in fulfillment of his promises in the far past, until our present, for he said:

"I will gather you from ALL the nations, and from all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord, and I will bring you to the place from which I cause you to be carried away captive". -- Jeremiah 29:14

The true God never changed, he is still the same, I also learned that my enemy, the Jews were chosen by God to write Gods Word, and God's plan for salvation through Jesus the Messiah the only Messiah and redeemer for man. I also learned that Jesus, the man from my hometown was a Jew, and even my hometown was Jewish 'Beth-Lechem', which means 'Home of the Bread', as he said:

'I am the Bread of Life, he who comes to me shall never hunger, and he who believes in me shall never thirst' -- John 6:35.

Beth-Lechem was given it's name before Jesus came to this World, and he was from the people of my enemy the Jews, and he died for my sin, I never heard of an enemy who dies for another enemy and loves him so much that he allowed himself to be beaten, spat on, mocked and finally crucified. Can your enemy die for you? Yet he said:

'Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you' -- Matthew 5:44.

The Truth was in front of my very eyes, knocking constantly on my heart, and wanting to come in. I called on The Truth and He answered, I was blind and sought the truth, and now I see, He knocked on my door and I opened, and now he had set me free! Christ said :

"I am The Way, The Truth and The Life, no one comes to the Father except through Me". -- John 14:6

My way of thinking, my feelings, and my goals in life began to change, I began to feel for the Jewish People, all the hatred left me, the desire to see them hurt is no more a thing in my life, now I hurt for them and pray peace for Jerusalem continually, and instead of laughing at images of the holocaust on T.V. I would weep for them, I am even ready to give my own life for them, as did my Lord. I say it despite the outcome of the hate that could come from my own fellow Arabs and Muslims.

Yes I say it to the whole world, I love Jews, I love them because of their Messiah, I love them because they brought light to the world, and through them came the light and the truth, for that I love Jews. I no more despise them and I know from the Bible that the Jews are God's chosen people to give light to Arabs and to the whole World, if we only allow them, for God made them a blessing to the World, we need to love and support them as God said to Abraham:

'I will bless those who bless you and I will curse him who curses you, and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed' -- Genesis 12:2

Knowing the truth transferred my way of thinking from believing in Hitler to believing in Christ, from believing lies to knowing the truth, from being spiritually sick to being healed, from living in darkness to seeing the light, from being damned to being saved, from doubt to faith, from hate to love, and from evil works to God's grace through Christ. This transformation taught me that without the (true) word of God things could look good on the surface but in the core lays deception. I accepted Jesus the Messiah, as my Lord and Savior, who died for all of our sins; to him I submit.

Jesus said:

"Come to me all you labor, and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." -- Matthew 11:28

In my teenage years I felt desperately as though something was seriously lacking from my life. I often felt inadequate and longed to better myself somehow. Because of an interest in the unusual and bizarre I would frequently purchase literature dealing with unusual phenomena and paranormal subjects (UFOs, ghosts etc.). I noticed various advertisements in these magazines that offered books on all kinds of subjects. One advertisement in particular caught my eye. It was on self improvement. I ordered this book thinking, as the advertisement promised, that it would revolutionize my life. When the book came I was surprised by some of the techniques that it encouraged. The author strongly recommended self-hy... and as a result I began practicing it secretly in my bedroom with the aid of a cassette recorder and a lit candle. It wasn't long before I craved more of something a bit deeper. After noticing other advertisements in other magazines I began to practice 'white' witchcraft and set up an alter in my bedroom. It seemed harmless enough at the time and there was a new sense of excitement and interest in my life with the added bonus of the possibility to change things for the better.

My interest in dark and morbid things also began to grow at this time. I dressed in black and got into the 'gothic' scene. At the peek of this period in my life I was dressing in black most of the time, wearing white face paint and black eyeliner! Even though my hair is naturally a very dark brown I would always dye it black because I wanted it to be jet black. I began to acquire quite an interesting array of occult literature and set them up on a shelf in my bedroom, but I kept the more disturbing books hidden away because I knew that my parents would become offended. I also set up shelves to fill them with anything unusual. I began to make my own clay models, many of which were extremely grotesque such as twisted and tormented faces and creatures with horns. I felt compelled and driven to create such things. I even acquired a goats skull and hung it from the wall. Of a weekend I would visit a night-club in Liverpool called 'Planet X'. This was a popular meeting place for people like myself. Interestingly, I noticed that a lot of people there also had an interest in sinister things as well as an interest in the occult.

Many of the friends that I had known for years began to notice a change in me. When they noticed how my room was developing, the books that I was reading and the things that I was talking about, they became scared and I began to see less and less of them. I can remember on one occasion I was in my room with my brother and a group of friends; we were reading the Tarot Cards. When the death card was turned over, a glass shelf suddenly shattered with a bang. We realized later that it had cracked due to the heat of a candle beneath it, but because of its timing, my friends became scared and took it as a bad sign. I suddenly found myself alone...a lot!

I was also unemployed at this time and so I already had a lot of spare time on my hands but I at least used to see my friends of an evening and at weekends. However, now I was alone of an evening and at weekends as well. I thought to myself "right, I will engulf myself in gaining more knowledge about the occult and obtain power." For a time I did get very involved in this activity and ordered even more books through the post. The books that I was getting were becoming darker and darker as this quest for power continued. Every night, and at times in the day, I was practicing witchcraft in my bedroom, something my parents continued to be oblivious of. I think that they suspected that I was up to something because of my secrecy and the many unusual packages that came to the house. These packages consisted of occult paraphernalia ordered from occult suppliers.

Eventually, I was encouraged to be reintroduced to an old girlfriend. This happened when one night, out of the blue, there was a knock at the door. Two ladies were there who looked vaguely familiar. They explained that they were relatives of Jane, an old girlfriend of mine. They explained that they had come because Jane was in a local mental health ward and had been asking for me. I thought that the only decent thing to do was to go and visit her, which I did a few days after. When I got to the hospital Jane was very withdrawn and nervous. She was a small but pretty girl with very striking pixie like features and long jet black hair. She, like me, was drawn to the gothic style of dress and wore a lot of black. From one visit a week I began to go more and more. She seemed to benefit from my visits and became less and less withdrawn. I felt as though I had a sort of mission to get her back to health. However, I didn't notice at the time but she was actually quite manipulative and demanding. One day the news arrived that she had been discharged from the hospital because of her uncontrollable violent behavior. She had smashed the ward up, something that she had apparently done several times before and this was her last chance.

After Jane's discharge from the hospital a new chapter in both our lives began. She moved back to her parents house and I began to spend even more time with her. I was seeing less and less of my family at this time and was with Jane virtually every day. Eventually this led to me sleeping at her house regularly as well. For a young man to be spending so much time with a young woman may not sound that unusual, that is of course if the couple were boyfriend and girlfriend. But we were not boyfriend and girlfriend. She simply wanted someone who would be a friend to her and take care of her. By this time I was beginning to get a bit tired of being around her so much and missed my parents. I didn't want to end our friendship but simply see a bit less of one another. When I expressed this to her she was upset and felt rejected. Eventually, as time went on, I began to feel more and more trapped. Her behavior had changed as well. She became more confident and controlling to the point where she controlled everything that I did. In addition to this strong controlling personality, she also encouraged my interest in the occult and we performed spells together. It was as though, all of a sudden, to my surprise, she appeared to be an expert on the subject! She also made a special point of letting her parents know that I was interested in the subject.

I got on reasonably well with Jane's parents and they seemed to think that I was good for her. However, all this was suddenly about to change. Because they trusted me they felt that they could leave me in charge of the house and look after Jane while they went away on holiday for a week. The night that they left for their holiday, Jane and I were in the kitchen. She had been acting very unusual all day but I just put it down to her mental problems. But nothing could have prepared me for what happened next. All of a sudden she stood up and began pacing up and down the kitchen doing what first appeared to be impersonations.

Thinking it was just her way of having a joke I simply laughed it off. But she continued this behavior to the point where it was beyond a joke and I had stopped laughing. There was a point when she looked at me and I could clearly see that I was no longer talking to the same person. She spoke in a male voice and her whole personality had radically changed. The voice professed to be that of a spirit who had indwelt her since early childhood.

It threatened me not to tell anyone about its existence and said that if I did so it would kill me, my mother, my father, and my brother. I was absolutely terrified and my gut reaction was to run out of the house and back to my parents home but I did not have any shoes on at the time. Because of the threats and not having any shoes on, I felt as though there was no alternative but to stay and talk to this spirit. I eventually became more relaxed and adjusted to this new, but unusual, situation. We talked right through the night until the light crept through the curtains and I heard the birds singing outside. This spirit declared that the reason for Jane's mental problems was because of its presence, but it further revealed that its time had come to leave her now. Before leaving it said that I was never to abandon Jane because I had been "chosen" to look after her. With this, Jane lay on the settee, closed her eyes and sprang up full of energy. She acted as though she had no recollection of the events of the previous night. In contrast, I was exhausted, physically and mentally.

The next day Jane seemed fine. Nothing out of the ordinary happened until late on in the afternoon. As we sat in the lounge of her parents house, all of a sudden she looked at me, her face was different and a familiar voice came out of her. I said "I thought you had gone". "I lied" replied the voice. As the week progressed, more and more spirits introduced themselves to me. Some were strange and mysterious, some were strong and intimidating, and some were even humorous at times. Almost every personality type under the sun seemed to emerge.

However, up until the last day that we had the house to ourselves for the week none of these personalities had been violent. This changed only a few hours before Jane's parents were due back from their holiday. In contrast to Jane's reluctance to engage in any physical boyfriend girlfriend relationship, one particular personality that manifested itself from within her seemed intent on encouraging me to engage in perverse sexual acts with her.

Looking back, I have to say that I wasn't the most sexually pure of people, but the things that this spirit was urging me to do I just could not go through with. After refusing this spirit's persistent requests, I watched in sheer terror as a new personality emerged through Jane in such a way that it seemingly rose up from deep within her, displacing the previous immoral spirit. I suppose that by this time, I had, to some degree, become somewhat accustomed to the various spirits that spoke through her. But nothing could have prepared me for the sudden personality that manifested itself at this point. She jumped up screaming at the top of her voice and white foam gushed out of her mouth. I had never known such a feeling of absolute terror in all my life. Having a 'vague' sort of belief in God, and being familiar with such films as 'The Exorcist' I reached for a crucifix that lay on a nearby cupboard and held it up before her face (her parents were nominal Roman Catholics). To my dismay this attempt to defend myself had no effect whatsoever.

After attacking me, she ran around the house destroying it. The next stage of her behavior took on a strange and eerie dimension. She began running into cupboards and giggling in such a way that it was chilling. At this point I was at the point of feeling as though I was going to have a complete nervous breakdown. I could hardly believe that such things were happening to me. As quickly as it had come, this aggressive spirit disappeared and a more relaxed personality took over and advised me to clean up the house before her parents came back. This spirit predicted that her parents would return within the next few minutes. We frantically tried to clean the house but time beat us. As predicted, and to my amazement, Jane's parents arrived back within the next few minutes.

As would be expected they were furious. They had been good to me and I felt so sorry for them coming home from holiday to a house that was such a mess. On top of their anger I could see that they were deeply hurt and disappointed in me. They had trusted me and left me in charge of their house and their daughter. I felt as though I had betrayed them. As if the present situation wasn't bad enough, Jane was implying to them that it was me who had led her astray! She also kept emphasizing to them my unhealthy interest in the occult. Amazingly, her parents eventually calmed down and let us stay with them, although my relationship with them was never the same. But there was nothing I could say about what was really going on. The words of one of the spirits who had spoken with me in the events of the previous week rang in my ears: "Don't even bother telling anyone what is really going on, after all who would believe such a story?"

Des... allowed to continue to stay at the house, we were certainly not welcome, which of course was perfectly understandable. We were both viewed with suspicion and Jane appeared to enjoy tormenting them with talk of "my evil occult powers." Her parents kept telling me to go back to my own house, something that, if only they knew, I wanted to do more than anything else in the world. Unwelcomed in her parents house, except, for being allowed to eat and sleep there, we spent most of the following days wandering around a local town. Spirit after spirit manifested itself to me as we wandered the streets.

All kinds of mind games were played on me and I was constantly sent various tests. She had me believe that there were two groups of people in the town. One group were against us and the other group were in favor of us. Incredibly, Jane would approach people in the town that I had never met before and they appeared to know what she was doing. On one occasion she approached a man and he said to her "How is 'the work' going on Jane?" after which they both looked at me long and hard. She explained that he was "on our side." On another occasion there was a man walking behind us and she said "That man is against us, he is our enemy." With these words she said "I will try and get rid of him." She then lifted her arm discreetly in front of her and revolved her finger in a circle. To my amazement the man stopped dead in his tracks in the middle of the street, did an about turn, and walked in the opposite direction!

Many supernatural things occurred during this period. On one occasion, while in conversation with a spirit in her bedroom, lots of flashing lights appeared by the curtains. On another occasion we were standing outside her parents house with Jane trying to negotiate with them to let us in (because we were only allowed in the house to sleep and eat and it was neither of these times on this particular occasion). The furthest we got however, was being allowed to stand by the front gate to have a cup of tea and read the daily papers. As I usually did when I read a daily paper, I went straight to the horoscopes page and was amazed to discover that everything that was happening to me was relevant to my horoscope reading for that day. I cannot remember the actual wording of what it said, but it was along the lines of having to submit to someone powerful and not being able to resist their control and influence.

In a similar way Jane's horoscope was also relevant to what was happening and spoke of dominating and being in full control of every situation and having the power to subdue whoever she wanted. Although these words in the newspaper were startlingly accurate, I realized for the first time that horoscopes were connected with dark spiritual forces of evil. One night while we were waiting to be allowed into the house to sleep we were standing by some trees at the bottom of her street. She looked up into a tree and in a terrified voice, said that there was something in it that wanted to hurt us. We both began to run and as we did I heard a blood curdling noise like nothing I have ever heard before. No words could ever adequately describe what I heard but it was coming loud and clear from the tree that she had been looking up into. I could see clearly enough into the tree to observe that no person was hiding up there making the noise. There was just nobody there although the noise was so clear. As we ran I caught a glimpse of her looking gleefully on at the expression of terror that I knew must have been all over my face. Looking back, I can see that all of these things, the supernatural acts, the tests that she set, and the things that she said were all designed to break me down mentally.

Despite the longsuffering of Jane's parents, things just became too much for them. Eventually we were forced to leave and found a bedsit at a seaside resort in a place called New Brighton . Both the bedsit and the area that we moved into was very undesirable. Drug addicts were everywhere. Some of the people in the bedsit did seem o.k. though but whenever they tried to befriend us in anyway, Jane would be abrupt and keep them at arms length. It was in this bedsit that the most violent attacks were inflicted upon me. I was beaten in the face and the various spirits that spoke out of her never seemed to stop tormenting me. Even throughout the night these spirits continued their relentless assault against me and I spent many nights without any sleep. I was reduced to a shuffling zombie and went down to about seven and a half stone in weight. In contrast, while I deteriorated, Jane seemed to bloom and became stronger and stronger. Sometimes, when I have told people these things, they have said things like "But you are a man aren't you? Why didn't you just push her off you, or hit her back?" But people who say such things do not understand, and have never experienced the power of mind control exercised over them.

Occasionally, ... our time at New Brighton , Jane did allow me to visit my parents on a couple of instances. Looking back, she probably only allowed this because we were running low of cash at this time and she knew that my mother would most likely give us some money. Each time before we went however, she would be sure to brief me on what I was to tell them. She concocted a story for me to tell my parents to explain why I had bruises on my face. I was to tell them that I had been beaten up by a gang of skinheads. My mother appeared to buy the story but I sensed that my father was suspicious.

The first time that she allowed me back to see my parents they were shocked at my condition. I unfolded my carefully rehearsed story to them listened to closely by Jane who sat nearby. For the first time in months I broke down in tears on my mothers shoulder. Unknown to me at the time, my dad had caught a glimpse of Jane's face looking on at the scene. He said that he noticed her, for a split second, as she watched my mother and I crying, smiling in a way that expressed a sinister satisfaction. When we left my father said that he searched my room and found an alladins cave of occult books and other related items.

I had many occult related books and many of the more acceptable ones were not hidden but on display. However, my father, in his search of my room, had unearthed some of the more sinister ones. As a result of his discoveries, and his suspicions of Jane, he went to a local Anglican minister and unfolded what he knew. The minister told him that he and the Church would be praying for me and that if he could help further, he was available. My father was also praying. Although he is not a Christian, he felt that praying to God was the only thing he could do.

Also at this time, in contrast to my own situation, my brother, Kevin, had become a born-again Christian. He had gone to a local drug dealer's house one night to buy some cannabis. While he was there the dealer's brother, who was a Christian, came into the room. He told Kev not to be involved with drugs and preached the Gospel message to him. Incredibly, my brother immediately accepted what was being said, turned from his sin and placed his faith in Christ. Like my father, Kevin did not understand what was going on in my life but knew that I was in trouble. As a result of his concerns he and a group of other Christians from another local Pentecostal Church were also praying for me. God had come in on the scene.

It was during the next visit to my parents house that these many prayers were answered. We were not originally going to my parents house but instead had just come from Jane's parents house and were on the way to a night club in Liverpool . When we approached the train station where my parents house was nearby, somehow, I managed to muster up the energy and the courage to ask to see my parents again before we went to the night-club. To my amazement she agreed (albeit somewhat reluctantly).

After the usual threats of not telling them what was really going on we arrived. Jane was upstairs in my bedroom and I was discretely called into the kitchen by my father. He asked me again what was going on, to which I replied with the usual prepared lines that Jane had forced me to repeat. He said that he didn't believe me and suddenly dumped a pile of occult books down on a chair and said "explain them!" I was speechless. He then further surprised me by saying "I know who is behind this - its the Devil isn't' it? He is the one that is wrecking your life and that girl is in league with her." I was so shocked at his words.

Not only was this the first time that anyone had made such a connection, but to hear it from my father, a man who never spoke about such things was a total surprise. The shock of his words caused me to break down and the most I could say was "Dad you don't know what you are getting yourself into." He explained that he had been in touch with the local minister and that he and his team were willing to help me. He told me to go upstairs and keep her occupied while he phoned the minister up and got him and his team to come to the house. He then quickly left the house to use a phone in a nearby shop and I walked up the stairs with my heart pounding like a drum convinced that Jane would know that something had happened. To my astonishment, she was oblivious to the conversation that I had just had and the events that were transpiring as a result.

When I entered my bedroom she was dancing in front a full length mirror to a record by a gothic rock group. I was filled with fear and worry as I wondered what would result in the next few minutes. Eventually I looked out of the window and saw my father coming through the gate with a group of men and one lady. I said "Jane my dad is coming up with some people!" Immediately, she was on the alert. But no sooner had I said these words, they had entered the room led by my father who shouted, pointing at Jane, "that's her, that's the Devil woman!" One of the people said to me "You go into the other room and you (pointing to Jane) stay here."

I then went into my brothers room with my father and mother and left Jane with the group of people from the Church. I was still very, very afraid at this point. I felt as though God was no match for Jane's powers. Any time that I had brought the subject of God up during my time with her, she had either changed the subject or made God look as though He was weak and powerless. I sat down on my brother's bed with my mother and father on either side of me and prayed the only prayer I knew, the Lord's prayer, or what I knew of it from schooldays. Even though the words of my prayer were all muddled up, I was looking up through the window into the sky and praying with every fiber of my soul 'God help me!'

It was then that an incredible thing happened. It was early evening at this time and the sky outside was clouded and dark but as I prayed the dark clouds parted and the sunlight broke through. A perfect ray of sun light came down and filled the room with light. My dad said "Look He's heard you!" For the first time since all the terrible events of the past, hope was born in me. I knew that God had heard me and was involved in my situation. The three of us wept for joy and God's presence filled the room. In contrast to what was happening in the room that I was in, I could hear the voices of the spirits who had tormented me for so long themselves being tormented. The screams and the shouting were ear piercing. Eventually, I entered the room where Jane was. Jane was surrounded by the people from the Church who were praying over her. Tears were streaming down her face and she looked at me saying "Vince I can see faces in torment, burning."

I... eventually decided that Jane was to be taken back to her parents home. However, she did not go easily. She kept going on about some sort of "salvation&... and screamed at the people from the Church "You don't understand what you are doing! You are wrecking everything!" While she was saying this, my father had gone to his tool box to get his chisel. He met us all at the top of the stairs, his face was red and he shouted, looking at Jane "I am going to drive this chisel into your heart!" The people from the Church tried to stop him but in his rage he threatened to hit them! It was only because I pleaded with him to stop that I was able to change his mind. I am convinced to this day that he would have murdered her if I hadn't have stopped him. I think the events of the past few weeks had overwhelmed him and out of his anger toward Jane, and his love for me as his son, he just snapped. Eventually Jane was escorted from the house. She left me very reluctantly, kicking and screaming all over the street as she was dragged towards the minister's car. She pleaded with me to stay with her and said every manipulative thing that she could think of to make me stay with her. The commotion was so bad that perplexed neighbors emerged from their houses were wondering what the noise was and some very puzzled police arrived to hear mutterings of demon possession and involvement in the occult. They were visibly shocked.

When Jane finally went I felt relieved but was still frightened. I had undergone weeks of mental conditioning that told me that harm would come to me and my family if I ever revealed what was truly happening. That night I slept on the sofa in the front livingroom with my father watching over me. The next day was Sunday and my brother Kevin was going to the Pentecostal Church that he had been attending, The Wirral Christian Centre. The next day came and I couldn't get to the Church quick enough. The Wirral Christian Centre is a thriving Church, which at the time I first entered its doors, had a congregation of about four hundred.

As I walked into the Church the first song that I heard was one called 'Thank you Lord for the Victory' which is a song all about the victory of Jesus Christ over Satan and all the powers of darkness. Part of that song is as follows: "There's not a fetter that you cannot break Lord, there's not a demon that can stand in your way Lord, there's not a principality, power nor authority, that is not under the feet of our God." It was as if someone knew that I was coming and written that song especially for me.

Although I had always believed in God, I was confused about what it meant to be a Christian. Even though I had been involved in the occult I always felt, like many people today, that I was generally a 'good person.' I had never murdered anyone, or beaten up old women, or committed armed robbery. I therefore felt that I was in with a good chance with God. Whenever I did something which was 'good' I felt as though God must have been looking down on me and awarding me points which would somehow outweigh the bad things that I did, and that I would eventually get to heaven when I died.

However, after the service finished one of the leaders in the church at the time took me aside and explained how each one of us were sinners by nature and that our sin separated us from God. Jesus Christ came as the only perfect man to reconcile fallen humanity back to their relationship with God through His sacrifice on the cross so that when people turn from their sin and put their faith in Him, they begin a new life and can have a certainty of eternal life (1 John 5:13). As I spoke with this dear friend the realization dawned upon me that I was indeed a sinner. I knew that I had done terrible things in the past and that my mind was full of sinful thoughts.

I repeated a simple prayer of faith and repentance to the Lord Jesus Christ repenting of my sin and asking Him to be the Lord of my life. I was urged to pray this prayer with all my heart and I did so with every fiber of my being. Nobody told me to expect anything through such a prayer and I was not at all prepared for what happened next. I opened my eyes and said "I feel as though I have found what I have been looking for all my life!" I realized that all of the things that I had been involved in, such as the occult, the music I listened to etc., had been a search in all the wrong places that nearly led me to utter ruin. I experienced such a sensation of love and peace that I could never adequately put it into words. All I can say is that I felt love. There was no doubt about it. It was love in its most pure form. I knew I was saved.

Things seemed to go well for a while and I slowly began to readjust to my new life. Jane still tried to keep in contact with me and sent letters, none of which I replied to. Each letter was full of manipulative language and attempted to put me back under her control again. Eventually my new spiritual life seemed to go horribly wrong. I suddenly began to see horrific visions, heard tormenting voices, and felt troubled in side. I felt as though I was finally going mad or that I had somehow done something against God and was being punished by Him. Nobody in the Church seemed to really understand me and I felt alone. Many supernatural things occurred during this period, too numerous to go into here.

My first release from this bondage occurred months later. I was standing at the front of the Church being prayed for for a headache, when suddenly I fell on the floor (much to the surprise of the man praying for me), and began shouting in another voice. People in the congregation who had witnessed the event later said that I had slithered across the floor like a snake. At this time, the Church had a congregation of about 450-500. Some of these people are still at the Church to this day and clearly remember the incident. The Pastor, the Rev. Paul Epton, came over to me and began rebuking the spirit in the name of Jesus Christ. Inside myself, I could feel two personalities at work, my own and that of the spirit that had its grip on me and was presumably responsible for making my new life as a Christian so difficult. This spirit was mocking the Pastor and laughing at him at the top of its voice. Somehow, I could feel its arrogance and mockery. When the Pastor kept mentioning the name of Jesus I could feel its annoyance. The laughter stopped and it became extremely angry. I can remember feeling the emotion of utter fury at what this man was saying.

I understand that some Christians believe that it is impossible for a Christian to have a demon but there was no doubt in my mind that I had given my life over to Christ and from that point on had become a true born-again believer. Whether the demons were in me or not is a matter of theological debate, all I know is that they were there and had been making my life unbearable. While at the front of the Church I eventually felt a release and I seemed to be myself again. However, similar things happened again over a period of a couple of years. But each time I went through some deliverance I felt more and more free.