Testimony of Farooq Ibrahim

I was raised in a typical Muslim family, where we would go to the mosque on Fridays and on special occasions; fast for the month of Ramadan; and celebrate the typical festive holidays of Islam. When I was a teenager, I completed the recitation of the Quran; and that in essence was a confirmation of the duty of a Muslim youth. Later, in my teen years, I was not satisfied with just reciting the Quran in Arabic; a language I could only read, but not comprehend. So my father got me a Study Quran by Abdullah Yusuf Ali and also a copy of the Sahih Bukhari Hadith collection. I studied it for a short while during my late teen years.

After I finished my twelfth year of schooling, I started studying engineering at an Engineering College in Karachi, but desired to study in the United States. My desire was to go to one of the best engineering university in the US. I had aspirations to do wonderful things for my people and country. Unfortunately, I was not admitted to my first choice of engineering university. Then in August of 1973, I came to the US and started in a community college. I lived a typical life in the States; spending time in getting my education and holding onto part-time or full-time jobs so that I could afford to put myself through college. My parents who were still in Pakistan helped, but there was not enough money to support the family and my education here. After a short while, I got plugged back into the local Islamic community and was involved with other Muslims in the study of the Quran and Hadith and its applicability in the local culture. After getting my 2-year associates degree from a community college, God in his mercy and grace provided for me to get into my choice of engineering university as a transfer student with an academic scholarship. By the time I had completed my BS degree, I had veered away from the daily practice of my faith, and focused my life's interest in the academic and secular things in life. After working for a short while to gain experience and decide what I wanted to do for further studies; I chose to get my MS degree. Once in the work place, I started doing what most typical men do in the US culture - start planning and working my way to the top of the corporate and financial ladder. I married a woman who had grown up in the States, had children, and life was typical and stressful. My eyes were focused on making a name for myself and getting all I could out of life - my earlier aspirations to do wonderful things for my people and country disappeared.

Then in March of 1987, I was in a bad accident and was very badly burned, while some others were killed. I had to take time away from work to recover. During this time, I had to face my mortality and deal with my blind ambition. I started to consider what legacy I was going to leave behind, and where was I going to go when I die. I wondered if I was spared from death for a purpose? Being a Muslim I believed that I would end up in heaven; but because of my life being the way it was - not actively performing the duties of a Muslim, I feared that I may perhaps be penalized in hell for a while? I then started again looking into the Quran and Hadith and Islam to find answers. This times my zeal to know my faith was fueled with the knowledge that there had to be a purpose to life; I was spared and had been given a chance. I wanted to know this Quran - which I believed to be the revealed word of God for all eternity, and the Prophet of Islam - his life and teachings. By this time I was back on my feet, starting to go back to work, but now I decided to take a job in the company that required minimum travel, so I would be spending a lot more time closer to home and with my family. I adjusted my priorities, and side stepped onto the slower track, away from the fast lane of the corporate world. Later on during this time, I was challenged by my Christian friends that Jesus was the only way to Heaven and that the Bible was the revealed and uncorrupted word of God.

So this challenge ignited an even greater zeal to study the Quran, Hadith and the life of Mohammad to prove Islam to be the true way and Christianity to be a false hope and Jesus being merely a man and not God. My desire was also to teach my children about Islam and to raise them Muslim. I spent the next few months studying the Quran and comparing it to the Bible. I compared the lives of Jesus both in the Quran and the Bible. Also compared the life and teaching of Mohammad and that of Jesus. I checked into the early history of Islam and Christianity and the sad but unfortunate atrocities committed by both religions, and the reasons why. I also read articles by others who denied the existence of God.

I reached a point where I was not sure how to deal with some of the difficulties in the Bible that were very unclear such as:

1. Why four books to present the "gospel" and not one, as Quran teaches of one gospel.
2. The whole issue of Sin and the need for shedding of blood and a Savior.
3. Jesus being God and Man and the whole concept of the Trinity.
4. Did Jesus really die on the cross and was he resurrected or not?
5. How could followers of Jesus commit the atrocities that are part of the church history such as the crusades?

But also in my quest to use the Quran as my standard, and the teaching and life of Mohammad as a model for life, I had some significant difficulties, for example:

1. The whole concept of "abrogation". That God chose to reveal verses in the Quran that supercede earlier revelation in the same Quran. How an eternal revelation of God could have such time bound revelation seemed at odds with the nature of God.
2. The inconsistency of the messages, for example facing Jerusalem and then Mecca; or fornication being a sin, but one can have sex with many slave women that have no legal marriage status; tolerance and peace message of earlier revelation, but the command to fight all unbelievers in later revelation.
3. The need for revisions of the Quran to standardize it and ordering the burning of all the older copies. Why this need to leave no trace of what the edited version did not contain and why.
4. The unequal status of woman compared to men in area of marriage, rule of law, social etiquette, modesty, etc.
5. Treatment of non-Muslims in the community and the command to Jihad.

At this point, I reached a place in my study that I could no longer defend the faith of Islam as it was clearly at odds with issues of truth and character of God as depicted in both the Quran and the Bible. However, I just was not ready to walk away from Islam. Christianity had its own set of issues, most of which revolved around the person of Jesus. At this point, I recalled from my childhood knowing some of the tenets of the Indian religions such as Hinduism, Sikhism and Buddhism. In all of my study of life and the sciences, it had become clear to me that there was a great creator and designer who had formed the universe and us. So there was no point in venturing into the philosophy of the Indian religions. I found they provided no answers that were consistent internally within it own teaching and externally consistent with the world around us.

Even though I had issues with Islam, I believed that there was a Creator God that I could and should pray to for answers. For me this was the God of Abraham (Ibrahim). I felt "safe" to pray to the God of Abraham as Abraham is highly regarded as a patriarch of Muslim, Jewish and Christian faiths. So, I ventured, that just as God had revealed the truth to Abraham, I would pray to this God to understand what was true and direct me on the right path. As I continued to regularly pray and meditate, I studied the passages in the Quran and the Bible on Mohammad and Jesus and reviewed books and articles by Muslim and Christian apologists.

Some weeks went by, as I prayed and reflected on Mohammad and Jesus. Finally, the evening of Good Friday of 1989, I was jogging and reflecting on the importance of this evening for Christians. Did Jesus really get crucified as taught by the Bible and some secular historians or was it some big hoax as claimed by Islam? What was this Sin that required payment by blood? As I prayed I sensed a burden lifted of me. I looked up, as it felt like some heavy weight was gone. I then looked down, to see if I was still on the ground. There was no external evidence, but in my spirit there was a clear sense, and this particular phrase came to life "Jesus is Lord" and occupied all of my thoughts. I responded in my mind, but what about Sin and the Cross? Did Jesus die on the Cross? The response in my mind came back loud and clear - "Jesus is Lord". I asked again, but what about the Trinity and this concept of three persons and one God, and again, the response was "Jesus is Lord". At this point, all that I had read in the Gospel accounts of Jesus came together. It was as if a veil had been lifted. That is why the Jewish Council had condemned him to death, because he claimed to be God, - blasphemy; that is why this Jesus had authority to forgive sins; that is why he told the Pharisees, before Abraham was I am, etc. He truly is God. Now the same old words in the Gospel that seemed to be vague about his deity, were suddenly crystal clear. Jesus is God. His crucifixion and resurrection were the ultimate calling card of this God-Man. It all started making sense, and I was at total peace accepting Jesus as Lord. At this point, I also realized it did not matter that for so many years I had been a Muslim, that my brothers, sisters and some of my best friends were Muslim; I now believed - Jesus is Lord, and I would follow him. Soon thereafter I understood what had happened to me. Jesus talks about this topic as to his real identity and what people misbelieve about him in the Gospel of Matthew 16:13-17: ‘Now when Jesus came into the district of Caesarea Philippi, He was asking His disciples, "Who do people say that the Son of Man is?" And they said, "Some say John the Baptist; and others, Elijah; but still others, Jeremiah, or one of the prophets." He said to them, "But who do you say that I am?" Simon Peter answered, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God." And Jesus said to him, "Blessed are you, Simon Barjona, because flesh and blood did not reveal this to you, but My Father who is in heaven."’

That has been the start of a journey, of getting to know my Lord Jesus better, accepting him as my Savior and his full payment for my sins. My desire has been to live my life worthy of my Lord as he empowers me.. My Muslim family did not accept me at first. They tried to convince me that I was wrong; while I tried to challenge them with the Truth of the Gospel message. When they realized I was convinced of my faith in Jesus being God, I was considered an outcast. Some time elapsed after which my mom's desire to bring the family together was resolved by them respecting my faith. Over the years, the mutual respect has resulted in a closer bond between us, and they have also been kind, generous and supportive as a family. During these years I also developed some very close friendships with Christians who challenged me as well as met some new ones once I got involved with a local church fellowship. I was welcomed as a brother. Also in the process, my character has changed over time. Some of the traits that he has exposed and dealt with me include pride, arrogance, anger, selfishness, and control among other sinful traits. He continues to change me from inside out to be more loving and kind to all.

Today, over 15 years later, having further studied the Bible, the Quran and various books and articles on Christian and Muslim Apologetics; and having discussed with many Muslims and Christians alike, I am sure of my faith in the Lord Jesus and continue to follow him, even more than at that day he chose to reveal himself to me and called me to him.

My name is Gunjoa, I am African, 43 years old, married, and father of three children. I live in a country where more than 90% of the population is Muslim. Islam is the religion into which I was born. My father is a fervent student of the Qur’an, much of which he memorized at a young age. I myself was sent to the Qur’anic school when I was three years old. Later I alternated studies between the French academic school and Qur’anic school. The days I didn’t go to French school, I went to study the Qur’an. As I grew up, my boyhood friends and I did many foolish things. But when I reached the age of 19 or 20, I began to take matters of religion more seriously. I would spend a lot of time thinking about paradise and hell, because I had been taught at a young age that these two places exist, and that after death, each person will end up in one place or the other—depending on whether they did good or bad during their earthly existence. This is what I had been taught.

Cons... I would ask myself the question: "Where will I go after I die?" This question followed me wherever I went. It troubled me continually. As a result, I became more faithful in my religious obligations: I prayed five times a day, attended the mosque on Friday, fasted during Ramadan, gave alms, etc… Each time I finished my ritual prayers, I would ask God to put me on the right path, because I continued to be troubled by the thought of facing hell after death. I questioned people who knew Islam better than I. But I never received a satisfying answer. All they could tell me each time I asked was that I simply needed to fulfill my religious duties, do more good than bad, and then leave the rest in the hands of God who determines my eternal destiny. They all told me the same thing, "No one can know in this life where they will go after they die. Only God knows!" But such a response did not in any way satisfy my heart. Inside of me there was nothing but turmoil. I had no peace as the same question continued to pop up in my mind: "Where will I go after I die?"<... align="justify">For three years while I lived in the Capital city to pursue further studies, I lived among a particular sect of Muslims who believed that their marabout (religious leader) was Isa (Jesus) who had come back at the end of the world. They attributed to their marabout a certain number of miracles. I was impressed with their stories and I thought to myself: If their Jesus could do such miracles, the original Jesus must have been truly great! I desperately wanted to know what kind of miracles the first Jesus did. I thought, "Surely there can’t be any harm in this!" This is what motivated me to know more about "the true Jesus". I should tell you that up to this point in my life I had never met any true disciples of Jesus Christ, nor had I ever read their book: the Bible.

After I successfully completed my studies and received my diploma, I returned to my native town with a clear objective: I would do some serious research and find a book that records the life, words and works of Jesus Christ. Thus, one morning I got up and went to pay a visit to some Catholics—since in my country, back in those days, when one spoke of Jesus, the Bible or Christians, we automatically thought "Catholic." (Today this tendency is changing.) So, as I was saying, I went to visit them, but it wasn’t there that I found what I was looking for. But as I was walking back home, God opened my eyes to notice a little library where I was privileged to meet some evangelical Christians for the first time in my life. I was 25 years old when I began to read the Scriptures of the Bible for myself.

Now my research began to take on a whole new dimension. As a Muslim, I continued to pray to God to place me on the right path. This was because I still had not discovered a solution to the dilemma which would not leave my mind: "Where will I go after I die?" I had not yet found a solid, satisfying answer. People around me continued to say, "Only God knows. No one can know their eternal destiny." But I wanted to know in this life where I would go after I died! After nearly two years of research, of studying the Bible, of reading the testimonies of Christians who came out of Islam, and of discussions with Christians, God’s answer to my question became clear to me. I surrendered to the evidence. Yes, I had discovered some wonderful things!

First of all, in the Old Testament Scriptures of the Bible, I discovered that all the prophets had announced the coming of a Messiah. They were preparing mankind to receive this Savior of the world who would come at the time appointed by God. The prophets prophesied about the Messiah’s miraculous birth, the place of His birth, the circumstances preceding and following His birth. They also foretold how He would be mistreated by the religious leaders of His own nation who would misunderstand Him and hate Him. The prophets also announced the Messiah’s sufferings and how His enemies would plot to have Him put to death. They even described in detail the manner by which He would die. Most importantly, they told why the Messiah would allow Himself to be killed, refusing to save Himself even though He had the power to do so. Certain prophets also wrote of the Messiah’s resurrection which would take place three days later.

In my research, I discovered that, from the very beginning, it was God’s plan that the Messiah should pay the sin-penalty for the whole world—so that all those who believe in Him would not have to pay that penalty themselves. I learned that the penalty for sin is death and eternal separation from our perfect and righteous Creator who must punish all sin. But the Good News was that the sinless Messiah would come to fulfill the meaning of thousands of years of symbolical animal sacrifices. Prophets like Noah, Abraham, Moses, David, Solomon and Isaiah all offered up spotless lambs and rams to God—as blood sacrifices to cover their sins. This was God’s idea. It was also God’s idea to send the Messiah who would offer up Himself as the Final Sacrifice "as a Lamb led to the slaughter." (Isaiah 53) However, there was a distinction. The Messiah’s sacrifice would not merely cover sin before God, it would remove sin’s penalty—for all who believe God and His way of salvation. In reading the New Testament (Injil) record about Jesus of Nazareth, I discovered that He is the One who perfectly fulfilled all these prophecies, and not someone else.

Next, in my research, I discovered in the Bible that this "original Jesus" had provided a clear and uncompromising answer to my question: "Where will I go after I die?" Jesus’ death and resurrection was God’s answer to my question! Jesus said, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. …[I] came to seek and to save what was lost. …I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. …I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life."... (John 14:6; Luke 19:10; John 10:11; John 5:24) Such words and many others like them in the Bible are declarations which no other person has ever dared to make. These and other verses in the Bible helped me to understand and accept Jesus for who He is: the One and only Savior promised by God, who died and rose again to provide a perfect salvation for all who believe. Thus, I placed my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and in the fact that He died for me, for my sins, in my place.

I believe that the first thing I ought to say about myself is that I was born into (that is under the covenant) the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in November of 1962. I was blessed as a baby on "Fast & Testimony Meeting" in December of 1962. When I was eight years old, I was baptized as a Mormon male member on December 5, 1970 and was confirmed on December 6, 1970. When I was 12, I graduated primary and was ordained a deacon. At 14, I was ordained a teacher and had my "patriarchal blessing." At age 16, I not only received my driver's license in the state of California, I was also ordained a priest. Driving gave me my liberty and I found it easy when, on the morning of a given Sunday, when I was informed that I had to give a two and a half minute talk, that my brother would enlist me to drive him to his girlfriend's house in Santa Ana. Needless to say, I missed sacrament meeting that day.

The only thing I loved to do was to go skating. I met one of my best friends there and he taught me that real friends love and appreciate someone for who they are and not for what they are trying to be. When the church let me down, my friend and his friends were there to make me feel better. There, I attained acceptance. Mark Woodhouse was a guy that I idolized. He was also the stake president's son. I thought that if there was any one person who would do it all, it would be Mark. One day, I came into the kitchen and my mother told me that Mark just got married to Tammy and that they had to get married because Tammy was pregnant. I had a car, but I walked to Mark's house. Mark's father met me at the door. When I went inside, he asked why I was so upset (there was a rumor that, since I never had a girlfriend, it was speculated that I must be gay. President Woodhouse believed it). He asked me if the reason why I was upset was because I had a sexual relationship with a boy. I choked the words "nothing like that" out and asked where Mark was. He said that the church had allowed him to finish the "roadshow" and that he was at the church. I left and walked there.

Mormon church buildings always have a back door. That night, I was pretty happy to find that it was unlocked. I walked in and the first person I found was Tammy. I went right up to her mouthing the question, "Is it too late to kiss the bride?" I guess my words seared her and she appeared visibly shaken. She said ok after I kissed her cheek. I asked her where Mark was and she said he was in the "junior Sunday school chapel."

When I arrived there, Mark's friends were around and one of them was singing a song. I tried to get to Mark, but all I could do is flag him down and mouth my congratulations. I disappeared as soon as I said it.  From that time on, the years just seemed to slip by. My attendance dropped to about once a year. While I still believed in the core of Mormonism, I had around me people who were always wondering why there were certain things believed in, but kind of ridiculous in their opinion. I came to the conclusion that these little observations didn't bother me as much anymore.

Marcia was a person that I always knew, but didn't think much about. That was not to say I didn't like her. One day, I stopped to see a friend of mine. I had a Mazda RX-7 and I found out that Marcia really liked the car. I took her for a ride. It was later that month that I decided I really like her and spent the next few months trying to convince her that I was the guy for her. She and her brother were always Christian. John used to argue with me about his faith and Mormonism. I found out later that his father bought Dr. Walter Martin's "Maze of Mormonism" and that John was reading it. He came out on the porch and "let me have it." I never knew where he got his information until later.

It was Christmas of 1989. Marcia and I were spending a bit of time together. I always stopped by and we talked, sometimes until late in the evening. On Christmas day, I stopped by. Her father died that morning. I spent the next couple of months trying to help the family out as best I could. One time after a date that went awry, she said that I would never accept her for what she was and would never accept her faith. I told her that I would prove it to her that I wasn't afraid of her religion and asked her to take me to Church. She said she wouldn't because I would never accept it. I told her that I would call her brother. He was just dying to get me into that Church. After that first visit to his Church (The Cornerstone, a FourSquare Pentecostal Church), I found that the Mormons were wrong about their devotions. One day after Church, we went out. Marcia and I were not seeing each other and we were talking about God's plans for us finding our mates. I said, "Well, I believe that if I don't find her here, she'll be waiting for me in heaven." He said that she would be there, but she wouldn't be my wife, because Jesus said there was no marriage in heaven. I demanded that he show me in the Bible where Jesus supposedly said that. He told me that it was in there and if I really wanted to know, I would find it. I didn't want to hear that.

The following week, I went on vacation. Before I left, I spoke to the Pastor of that Church. I asked him to give me some references for the church I left (he knew I was Mormon) and could he help me out. He told me about "The Changing World of Mormonism" by Jerald & Sandra Tanner and said that the book would answer all my questions. No, it didn't. But, it was a start. I went on vacation and, while I was spending the night at a Motel 6 in San Jose, CA, I looked up my concordance and found the passage my friend was telling me about ( 

I thought I was the only one who was plagued by pride and suffered separation because of obnoxious behavior.

If you have time I tell you my story. I grew up in a catholic home and was baptized as a baby. I was raised by two loving and caring parents. God was not a major part of our life. I thought you just had to be good and you would go to heaven. I was very popular in Jr. high school but when I went to High School I was a nobody.

The transition from somebody to nobody was more than I could handle so I shielded my self with pride. I became a smart mouth know it all. I was so critical of other people, I was trying to make my self appear greater.

I started going to this very conservative church that was totally against the spirit of God. My faith was based on how much you could know the scriptures and very little about behavior. I was so zealous for knowledge that I studied only controversial matters because I liked the victory in knowing more. I could prove the ceasing of tongues and all the other common arguments so I thought. It only made matters worse. I became so full of pride and so critical that I was a Pharisee. A wolf in sheep's clothing so to say. When I turned 21 I lost my girlfriend of 8 years. We meet in Jr. high school and when she left I was totally alone.

I was on the verge of destruction. I turned to drugs to ease the pain but they brought no fulfillment. The next three years was a struggle for my life, but in the summer of 99 I met the daughter of a preacher and my life began to change. Her father was a spirit filled preacher and I was a hard headed know it all. I attended his church for three months but refused to participate in the worship service and ignore the message. On one Sunday that would all change. It was worship time and everyone was rejoicing but me. The preacher during song service walked up to me and lifted my face which was facing the floor and said in a forceful voice "what are you hear for" "what are you here for" he repeated. I felt something break inside and the tears began to run down my face. I was broken, yet I finally had victory at the same time. That day I asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior but the battle had just begun. The carnal mind rage against the Spirit of God for it was well trained. I was enveloped by flesh and the Spirit could not move. I had no clue that your own mind can be God's greatest enemy. After months of seeking to be filled with the Holy Spirit victory finally came. I went to my now father-in-law wanting to be filled at all cost. He prayed over me but the mind was fighting with thoughts of unbelief. Then I heard the Spirit say "speak, speak in faith" and the words I spoke, I had know understanding of them. It was the first time I did something that my mind was not in control of because there was no understanding of the words. The mind soon retaliated that evening and was wanting to repent, because my mind said that I made it up.

The next day a Spiritual High I like to call It swept me off my feet. I could no longer deny that the gifts were for today. My walk had just begun, the pride was to return and the Spirit told me that if I ever forgot where I came from I would go back. That's what happened the old person that was nailed to the cross some how got off. I became critical all over again and I began to see sin working in my flesh and was unable to repent at the time. I cried out that God would have mercy on me and he replied "Do unto other as you would have Me do unto you."

I'm 26 now and still working on overcoming the flesh and probably will as long as I live. The is a way to victory and it is a walk that we must walk with Jesus. No man knows the way even though they themselves or on the path. I thank God for His Holy Spirit to guide me where no man can lead, and for giving me strength to over come my weaknesses. Glory to God and may He be exalted by His people.

Are you miserable? Are you looking for something to fill your innermost being that gives you happiness? Read how someone else found happiness - a happiness that was obtained by finding out something about God she never knew before.

I am the youngest of seven children. My parents were faithful in taking our family to a Christian church on a regular basis. But my father passed away when I was six, leaving my mother to care for us. My mother, bless her heart, worked hard to fill the void he left, and she did well, but I missed my Daddy dearly. Spiritually - I am very thankful for the Christian exposure I received in my childhood. Even though I eventually strayed from God after making a profession of faith to Jesus Christ at age 13, I still had some knowledge of right and wrong, which kept me from straying even farther than what I did.

In my teens and early twenty's, loneliness held a grip on me. In my ignorance of the ways Satan leads one away from Jesus Christ, I began to look for peace and happiness with the party crowd. After all, they looked "happy." I began frequenting bars and places where I could drink and dance. I thought that if I hung out at these places long enough, I might meet the right man - the man of my dreams. A man who would take away my loneliness and give me a purpose in life I had not yet experienced. Along with meeting men came alcohol, drugs and sex.

It all came with the package. I soon discovered that "happiness" became an illusive term. The few times I was happy did not make up for most of the time I was miserable. Somehow, I seemed to attract men who simply wanted to use me for their own selfish purposes. These relationships only brought hurt and pain and rejection when these men were finished with me. Little did I realize that having sexual intimacy with a man, and hinging an entire relationship on sexual fulfillment is one of Satan's greatest tools for leading people into relationships for the wrong reason.

At age 26, miserable beyond description; tired of being left and rejected; tired of not having a man to give love to and receive love from that had any lasting duration - I came to the realization that my life was going nowhere. Ever get that feeling? It's an ever-present feeling that makes you wonder why you're here on earth. Why can everyone else be happy, but not me?

It was around that time that my thoughts began to drift to an old girlfriend I had partied with in the past. I wondered if she was still happy. We had always been close, until she became one of those "fanatic&qu... Christians. Her life had changed dramatically, and although she was happy, I just felt she was too religious to hang around anymore. So I willfully lost contact with her for six years. On one particular evening I began watching a Billy Graham crusade on TV and reasoned in my mind: Even though she is religious, she can still be my friend, can't she? I was lonely for companionship. The next evening I was at a bar (typical of me on a Friday night) andI went to a pay phone to give her a call. She was glad to hear from me.

What a joy it is to know beyond all shadows of a doubt that there really is a God. Not just to believe there is a God and leave it at that, but to have personally experienced His presence in my room. That was the night my doubts about God and Jesus Christ changed forever!

Early in my childhood, I accepted Christ as my Savior. With a child's mentality, I'm sure I did it to hopefully make God happy with me, and so I wouldn't go to hell. There was a lot of turbulence in my home-life through those years. Because of the turbulence, I was attracted to whatever would make me happy. Wherever alcohol was available, I sought after it. Drugs were not readily available like they are today, so drugs were not an option, thank goodness.

After high school, I enlisted in the Army. Through little choice of my own, I was "volunteered" to become a prisoner-of-war interrogator and was sent to Vietnam. In the name of "war" I tortured prisoners to get information. Before going to Vietnam, I got married. I came back from Vietnam twisted by the war: hard-hearted and a heavy drinker. My marriage began to go downhill soon thereafter.

Through all those trying years, I still wondered if there really was a God. Part of me wanted to believe there was, yet there was another part of me that had difficulty believing unless I could "prove" there was a God. Little did I realize how strong the sin of pride was that had been operating in my life.

I was quick to find fault in Christians and organized religion as well; not aware of the devil's influence over my thinking. After all, if there is no God, how can there be a devil or Satan? Fortunately though, there were people God used along life's way to influence me positively about God. An older sister was one of those people. Flora and her husband had become 'born again', and their excitement about their relationship with Jesus Christ captured my attention.

My youngest brother, Dale, the black sheep of the family as far as I was concerned, also had a powerful born again experience. And it was seeing the incredible change in his life for the better that began to make me take a more serious look at my comprehension of Christianity. When I would talk with Dale, all he would tell me was to forget about my hang-ups about Christianity and organized religion, and just fall in love with Jesus Christ. He said the rest of it would all fall into place in due time. But I didn't know who Jesus Christ was, or should I say, IS. That's because I refused to believe what the Bible says about Him is true. I believed the lie that the Bible cannot be trusted. If the devil can convince you of that you'll never come to know truly who Jesus Christ really is.

 Alcoholism continued to take its ugly toll, as well as the other affects of sin in my life. At mid-life, I was told unexpectedly by a nurse that I was a walking time bomb, ready to explode. My heart was ready to quit any minute due to extreme high blood pressure. I was sleeping very little, smoking 3 packs of cigarettes a day, and drinking close to three-quarters of a fifth of hard liquor a day, not to mention various amounts of beer and wine.

When I was told that I had to quit smoking and drinking or else suffer a heart attack, part of me didn't care if I died. In a cowardly sort of way, it was a way out of my pain and misery with life. After all, it would be death through "natural causes." Who would ever know the real reason?

Yet another part of me wanted what my sister and my younger brother had found, which was a peace with whom they believed to be the Creator of the universe; no substitutes. They weren't propagating a religion, a denomination, or a teacher. What they were propagating was a relationship with the triune God: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, and I liked the exciting fruits, or results you might say, that they were getting.

So at age 35, I was a wreck. I was facing death, and I wasn't convinced in my heart that I would go to heaven (if there were such a place). My marriage had fallen apart; my life was in a shamble. I had two precious children and an emotionally strained wife who had neither a suitable father nor husband.

Des... descended upon me, and fear of dying began to plague my thoughts. My despair eventually turned to desperation. Everything culminated on a Friday night. I went to bed early that evening, and started crying out to Jesus Christ. . .if there was a Jesus Christ who could hear me, or wanted to hear me. "Let me know you are real! I do want to serve the real God, but I've got to know you are real! I've got to know that what the Bible says about you is true! I've got to know if you really care for me!" I cried and agonized to God until the wee hours of dawn, but all I heard was silence. "God. . .do you even hear me?" More silence. I finally gave up. What a fool I had been to cry out like this all night long. Thinking that maybe - just maybe - God would have compassion on me and somehow reveal His reality to me in a way that I wasn't so doubtful and confused.

It was just starting to break day and then it happened! The bedroom instantly became about 30% brighter. I looked for a light to be on but none was! I thought maybe the sun was now up and I had fallen asleep and had wakened hours later, but the clock said differently. No - I wasn't imagining it nor was I dreaming it. The light was real! It was of equal intensity throughout the room. An invisible presence was in my room. The reason I know so was because an indescribable love was so strong in that room that it seemed there was not enough room to contain it all! I felt like I was being shoved back by a big hand into my bed, the love was so strong. And I knew - don't ask me how I knew - I just knew that I knew that it was the Spirit of Jesus Christ in my room!

At that moment He spoke very powerfully to me. Not audibly, I don't think, but powerfully to my inner being. The intensity of it was so strong though that it might just have well of been audible. He told me what I had to do to make my relationship work with Him. Then instantly all the anguish and pain and misery and confusion and doubt of a lifetime was sucked out of me. And all that was left was peace. Sweet beautiful peace . . . and knowing that God is real.

Then the room instantly was darkened again as before. And the presence of Christ was now gone. The whole thing didn't take more than a few brief moments to happen, but happen it did! I was now a believer! Moments later, I pulled the covers off from me, sat on the side of the bed, and made a solemn vow to God. I said, "Thank you, Lord, for revealing yourself to me in a way that I can believe in you. I know I don't deserve what has just happened here, and I promise to serve you the rest of my life."

I've done my best to keep that promise, even though I've made many mistakes since then. Yet I serve a forgiving and patient God. I hope you choose to serve Him as well. Thank you for taking the time to read my brief story. I wish there were room to share all that God has done since that time. There are pages more!

Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but through Me." (John 14:6). It took the Holy Spirit about a year later to break through my thick skull to reveal to me who Jesus Christ really is. Once you know, then you understand why a personal relationship with Jesus Christ is everything. How can that be? Because the One who died for your sins nearly 2,000 years ago -- He wasn't just a mere man -- He was all of God in human form. And He died especially for YOU. In fact, if you were the only sinner on planet earth, He still would have died just for you! Why? Because His love is that unfathomable -- that great!

If you do not have peace, and the assurance of where you will go after you die (heaven or hell), I want to encourage you to invite Jesus Christ into your life....because He is the supreme PEACE GIVER. (John 14:27)

If your life has little meaning and purpose, and you are searching for a reason to keep on living, I can't encourage you enough to ask Jesus Christ to become the Lord and Savior of your life. He created you for an eternal, useful purpose, and until you know WHAT that purpose IS, nothing will fill the longing in your heart....like He has filled that longing in my heart with meaning and purpose.

Jesus said: "For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." (Matthew 16:25)

My former life was lived to find a little happiness, to keep on going. My new life is lived to be pleasing to my Lord. Not because I have to, but because it is an opportunity and a privilege. In my former life, I don't remember of one prayer ever being answered. In my new born-again life (John 3:3), I've experienced so many answered prayers that it is abnormal to not have them answered. (John 15:7-8)

Jesus said: "I am the way, the truth and the life." (John 14:6) In my old life, before I was born-again, I would have said in regards to this scripture, "So - big deal." AFTER I became born-again and grew in some understanding of the Holy Scriptures and how I'm to relate with God, I NOW say, "Biggest deal in all of creation and eternity!"

<... knocking on the door of your heart, dear one. He won't break the door down - He is a gentleman. You have to invite Him in. (Revelation 3:20)

T... you and God bless you for taking the time to read my brief story. I'm so thankful God has given me one to tell. Had God not intervened that fateful Friday night....I'm sure I would be in hell right now. Jesus Christ wants no one to go to hell. Anyone who will mean business with Him can have the assurance that eternal joy in heaven can be his or her everlasting destiny upon death in this life. (John 17:1-26)

I was born in 1975 in St. Petersburg, Russia to a good Jewish family. My father and my mother were atheists, so was everyone else I knew. At the time the country was suffering under the communist regime where any kind of religion was despised, mocked, and almost prohibited. Communists taught people that "religion is the opium for the masses".

Ever since I could remember myself even in the very early age I was fascinated with the question of life and death. I was aware that people die. What happens then? Do we just "stop existing" I was asking myself. The possibility of "stop existing" some day was terrifying and I was very afraid. I remember being maybe 5-6 years old and crying in my bed one night. My father walked in and asked me why I was crying. I told him about my fears. It was the first time I told someone. This is how he answered: "Someday, when you are old, you will get tired of living and you will feel like its time for me to die and time for someone else to live in my place". His answer didn’t satisfy me. I didn’t believe that I will get tired of living, plus I didn’t understand why I have to give up my life in order for someone else to live. So it began. Little that I knew at the time, I made my first step on the road that led to God.

When I grew a little older I learned about something called God. I learned that some people believed in God and hoped that someday they will be in "heaven" with him. I didn’t understand any of that, but it was an interesting idea and some kind of hope, so I kept it. That is all God was to me at the time: an idea, nothing more. I remember reading the book called "Legends and Myths of the Ancient Greece". The book was full of stories about different gods. Gods in those stories were just like people, only immortal. These gods were capable of lying, steeling, backstabbing, and even killing. Sometimes they were nice and kind to people and each other, and sometimes they were hateful and vicious. I liked the stories, but they gave me a wrong perception about God.

Later in my life I witnessed a softening of the communist regime. The times were more liberal. People started talking about religion. However, nothing really changed in my family or among my friends, or in school. I was growing up with the idea that the Bible is full of fairytales and no educated individual could possibly believe in stories like Noah’s Ark, Flood, Tower of Babel, etc. My biology teacher said once in class:" There are many views on the origin of life today. Some believe in God, some believe in aliens. We will study EVOLUTION as the only PROVEN theory". There it was: the biggest lie that was ever sold to me. They didn’t say I couldn’t believe in God, they just made it sound so ignorant. Why would you want to believe in a fairytale if there is a proven theory that contradicts the entire existence of God?

At that point of my life I developed a principle that helped me later on in my perused of God. I believed that to have FAITH in God is better than not to have it, because of the following: If God does exist, then the person who believes in God is correct. If God doesn’t exist, then at least a person who believes in him will live his life without a fear of death. I wanted to believe in God because of my fear of death and uncertainty that comes with death. Fear was my driving force. I was not just afraid of possibility of death or painful death. I was not afraid of hell, because I didn’t believe in hell. I was terrified of NOTHINGNESS. I didn’t want to "stop existing". However, I couldn’t just start believing. This issue was so important to me that I couldn’t risk it not researching it. I couldn’t just tell myself: "Its ok, let’s just believe that God exists and there is a life after death and everything is going to be fine". I had to prove it for myself!!!

At the age of 18 my family and I moved to the United States. It was a big change for all of us. We had to adapt to a different language, culture, and life style. It was very tough for my parents who had to give up their prestige professions in St. Petersburg (my dad was a Principle of a High Scholl and my mom was a teacher) for something like cleaning offices. I know they did it for me and I am forever grateful. It was a huge sacrifice on their part that not every parent will do for their child.

We ended up in Cleveland, OH where there is a big Russian-Jewish community. I never really associated myself with Judaism. I always knew I was different from other "non-Jewish" kids back in Russia. However, I always looked at it as a curse rather then a blessing. It was not easy to be a Jew living in an anti-Semitic country. I couldn’t understand the significance of being Jewish. And again, every Russian Jew I met in Cleveland was just like me - without any comprehension of God.

I was a rebellious teenager. I was also pretty popular with the opposite sex. I had friends and girlfriends. I was pursuing fun. I lived for the weekends when I could get together with my buddies and go party. Alcohol, drugs, loud music, and wild times - I loved it all. At the same time I went to the community college and finally at the age of 21 I transferred to Ohio State University and moved to Columbus, OH. I lived through good times and I lived through bad times. College life could be very challenging. I was responsible enough to understand the importance of having education, but was never a very good student. I ended up with 3.2 GPA in Industrial Engineering though.

When I look back at my college years, it seems to me that I was "testing" everyone and everything including life itself. I still tried to live for the weekend, although sometimes the weekend would start on Thursday and sometimes end on Tuesday. Getting dead drunk on Friday nights was a religious practice for my friends and I. I don’t remember how many times I was kicked out from clubs for abusive behavior and even got beaten by the security. I don’t know why I had to act that way? Nothing seemed to be wrong with my life. At some point I met a guy name Alex who considered himself an anarchist. We became friends and formed a rock band together. I was a singer and a guitar player in that band. I considered myself and anarchist as well. It seemed to me and people around me that I would jump from one extreme to another for no apparent reason.

I was always interested in religion though. At some point Alex turned away from anarchy and became a Jehovah Witness. I was very interested in his transformation. We talked a lot about God and I even attended several services on Sunday in his Kingdom Hall. It was somewhat appealing to me, but never made complete sense. I heard that JW’s is a cult, but I didn’t care at the time. Plus, I never believed everything that people told me (which is always a good thing), I had to know for sure. Later in life I had more encounters with Jehovah Witnesses. Number of times they would knock at my door and try to convince me. I was always interested in what they had to say, but was never persuaded enough to join the organization. Several times I had conversations with various "New Agers". I didn’t like what they had to say at all. None of their doctrines made sense and they seemed very delusional to me.

During my senior year I noticed a very dramatic change in 2 of my friends. They told me that they became Christians. They stopped drinking and parting. They started reading the Bible and joined Columbus Church of Christ. For some reason I was very skeptical of them. I went to church with them once and for some reason concluded that it was a "cult". They tried to preach to me but unsuccessfully. I did listen to what they had to say though, because I didn’t give up on this "God Idea" and was willing to give a fair hearing to anyone.

I graduated in 2001 and got my first job as an engineer. I also met a beautiful Russian-Jewish girl who fell in love with. We got married later on. We also purchased a condominium in Columbus, OH. Natalia (my wife) was everything I could hope for. Both of us had pretty much everything a normal, successful and loving couple should have, but I was pretty miserable inside. I couldn’t understand what was wrong. I just didn’t see the reason for my existence. There was a small cemetery right next to our condo. I was passing it by everyday on my way to work. It was a small reminder for me of how empty my life was.

The situation got worse when I lost my good engineering job. I became a temporary employee working for the bank. I got pretty depressed about the insignificance of my new job and the loss of the income. The economy was bad, so I knew it would take me a while to find a new job in my field. While working there, I’ve met another temp name Adrian. Adrian was about my age. There was something about him that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. On one occasion we started talking about God and I was very interested in what he had to say on the subject. Adrian was not by any means "religious", but his faith seemed so certain to me. I asked him: "How can you be so sure?" He told me that he learned enough information about it, so he no longer doubts the existence of God. That was a complete shock to me. I never though that science can possibly support the Biblical view point. He offered his help.

My first "quest" was Noah’s ark and the flood. I told him that I cannot possibly see how Noah could fit all the animals on a boat. I also asked him if there is any evidence that flood ever took place. The next day he brought some DVDs for me to watch at home. I had my doubts, but sure enough there was an explanation. This information didn’t convince me that the story was true, but it showed me that there is "the other side of the coin". In school I learned evolution and evolution only. Adrian showed me the alternative theory called "Creation" or "Intelligent Design". For the first time during my spiritual journey I saw a real light. I came to work the next day and asked for more information. From that point on Adrian started bringing DVDs, VHS Tapes, books, CDs on the subject of my study. I was interested in Creation vs. Evolution debate. I learned about the evidence for Creation. I have read books by chemists, physicists, doctors, astronomers, theologians, and journalists about Intelligent Design. The evidence for Creation was so overwhelming I couldn’t believe how I didn’t know any of that before. Also I learned about the lies my teachers taught me at school. I learned that Evolution doesn’t have a single shred of evidence. I learned about fabrications that some "scientists" tried to put together to support the theory. I learned that Evolution is not scientifically, but philosophically driven theory. After several months of intense studying I was convinced that Intelligent Design is the method of origin of life. That means there must by a DESIGNER. God does exist. I proved it beyond any reasonable doubt. 29 years of my life I doubted, and now I could know for sure.

At the same time I started reading the Bible. Adrian said that he believed the Bible to be the Word of God. That means it must be 100% accurate. I made a covenant with myself: I will read the Bible until I find it contradicting itself, history, logic, or any proven scientific fact. I knew even before something about the Bible. I knew that Jews and Christians differ on what they accepted to be true. I thought that the Old Testament is for Jews and the New Testament is for Christians. To my surprise I found the Bible to be very uniform. I started to read Torah (first five books of the Old Testament) and some parts of the New Testament. My favorite book of the Bible at that time was the book of Ecclesiastes. I read about King Solomon’s quest for meaning in life and realized how similar it was to my path. Like Solomon I tried to find the meaning of life in pleasure and found that to be meaningless.

A big part of the Bible is the prophecy. I wanted to see whether the biblical prophetic statements were similar to the statements made by Nostradamus that no one can really understand, therefore assume whatever they wish. To my surprise most of the biblical prophecy was very direct. Some prophetic statements dealt with specific cities, countries, and nations. Now, this information became part of the history anyone can check and verify. I was very impressed with the book of Daniel from the Old Testament that outlined the entire history of the mankind that goes to our day. Also, during the 20th century prophecies regarding Jews and the Land of Israel were fulfilled.

I read in the Old Testament about the blood sacrifices Jewish people used to make in order to provide the atonement for their sins. I learned about the Temple that King Solomon built in Jerusalem that became the center of their worship. I was puzzled by the fact that the Temple was destroyed and does not exist in our day. I thought to myself: "If God requires a blood sacrifice for our sins, but the place of the sacrifice doesn’t exist, then what do people do?" Of course I was thinking about religious people, because I knew that almost every Jewish person I have met in my life including my family and friends couldn’t care less about "God’s Law", Temple and Sacrifice. Later on I learned (not from the bible) that the Sacrificial system was replaced by the Rabbinical system that doesn’t require any kind of sacrifice. That didn’t seem right to me. As a matter of fact, I found that to be a huge contradiction to the present day Judaism. Think about it. Religious Jews know about God from the Bible (Tanakh – Old Testament). If they believe it to be the Word of God than how can they disregard for such an important commandment? If they don’t believe it to be the Word of God, then the whole religion is based on human imagination and traditions. That encouraged me to continue my search.

I learned about Messiah. The Old Testament is full of passages about Messiah. This person was supposed to come and save his people from the condemnation of sin. So that was my answer. Now I realized why this Messiah is so important that some Jewish people are waiting for him even today after several thousands years after the destruction of the Temple. I knew that Christians believed that Jesus of Nazareth was the Messiah. Could that be true? I started to read the Gospel of Mathew and other books from the New Testament. I didn’t want it to be true, because I knew that it would create issues with my family and friends. Jews do not become Christians. People just wouldn’t understand, but as one writer said:"I have to follow where evidence lead". I was surprised to find out that everything about New Testament was Jewish. It was written by Jews about Jews. 12 apostles and other disciples were Jewish. It took place in Jerusalem and other Jewish towns. NT has references to the Old Testament. On top of everything else Jesus himself was Jewish. "How could that be?" - I thought to myself. How Christian faith could have such deep Jewish roots? What happened in the last couple of thousand years that made the Church and the Synagogue the blood enemies? Where do I fit in? And the most importantly: Is Jesus the Messiah?

Is Jesus the Messiah? There are more than 300 Old Testament prophesies that were fulfilled in the person of Jesus. These are the ones I like the most:

Messiah was supposed to be a Jew from the Tribe of Judah (Gen 49:10)
Born in Bethlehem (Mic 5:2)
Sold for 30 pieces of silver (Zech 11:13)
Isaiah 53 – Description of his trial and crucifixion and death
Psalm 22 – Description of crucifixion

I learned about various theories people have about what happened. Some say that Jesus never died on the cross, but only "passed out" and then in the tomb regained conciseness and rolled the stone away, overpowered Roman guards and appeared to his disciples. Muslims believe that Jesus was never crucified on the cross, but it was someone else in his place. Jews believe that the apostles "stole" his dead body from the tomb. Some people don’t even believe that Jesus ever existed and resurrection ever took place. After careful examination of everything I could find on the subject, only 1 theory left standing. And you guessed it; it was the New Testament account of the resurrection. I remember reading a book by Lee Strobel at the time called "The Case for Christ". This book discusses all the possibilities. According to Lee’s testimony he came to be a Christian as a result of examining the facts of the resurrection. To anyone who doubts I can say the following: The resurrection is the most attested facts of the antiquity. As one writer said: "The evidence for the resurrection is so overwhelming, it’s enough to sentence a person to death in the modern court of law".

So let me see, so far I proved to myself the following: God must exist Bible (both Old and New Testaments) is in fact the Word of God Jesus of Nazareth is the Messiah of the Bible

What’s next? What does the Bible teach about salvation?

Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fell short of the glory of God.

Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus.

John 3:16 God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, for whomsoever believes in Him shell not perish, but have eternal life.

Romans 10:9, 10 If you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord", and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you WILL BE SAVED.

Jesus said: "Truly I say unto you, no one can see the Kingdom of God unless he is born again". (John 3:3)

After all this I was ready. On March 4, 2004 I confessed my sins to the Lord. I admitted my faults and believed in His promises. I asked God to forgive me and change me. I accepted His sacrifice and got saved (born again). You know, some people say they didn’t feel anything on the day of their salvation. Some did and tell about interesting things happening to them. I can testify that the fear of death that hunted me all my life disappeared completely at that moment. I knew from that point on I had nothing to worry about, for even Jesus said: "I came to proclaim freedom for the prisoners…and to release the oppressed" (Luke 3:18). I came home that day a different man. Natalia saw the change in me and started asking questions. On August 12 the same year she got saved as well. God works in mysterious ways the Bible says. Now we have a little son name Joshua and live in Baltimore, MD.

In conclusion I want to say that all of us some day will have to face a question: Why am I here? That’s the most important question a person should answer. I believe our lives were given to us by God for the soul purpose of answering that question. I advise people to choose wisely, for scriptures teach us: "Wide is the road that leads to destruction, but narrow a road to salvation".

It took me 29 years to find the truth, but it was worth it.

I believe my testimony can be called "You Can't Run" because thats what we were trying to do - to run from God. My husband and I were having many problems. We had two boys ages 3 1/2 and 1. We tried to live a good life, but when there's drugs and alcohol involved, there's not too much of a chance.

I tried to go to church because there was a friend that invited me, but my husband was not to happy if I went. I had to walk to church, so I went a few times and learned a few things that were important, like the tribulation, that Jesus was coming back, things like that.

At the same time my husband was getting deeper in to drugs and alcohol, and the fightings continued. Until one day I made my mind up and told him that I was leaving and it would probably end in divorce. He said "No, I will quit my job and we will move out of town away from everything and try to start a new life there". So I agreed and we left to a town about 12 hours away.

We found a house rented it and started moving on Thursday and by Friday we were almost settled, we cooked that night, we later went to the movies, at the same time I was thinking maybe we will do better here, not knowing what was really in store for us that was going to change the rest of our lives. I decided to go to bed with my kids and my husband stayed up drinking.

It was Saturday 9:00am (Memorial Day) in the morning when all of a sudden thier was a loud explosion (gas) so strong that I could not even think right, because we were all still asleep, then there was another one. This time I started thinking that I was in the Tribulation. The explosion had thrown me outside and I stared looking at the houses that theirs weren't burning so I figured something went wrong, so I started looking for my family and I saw my 1 year old. He had flames all on his left side from his face to his legs and I was so weak that I could not move. I also was burned on my face, so I was hurting, so I managed to yell at my husband while he was crawling out from under all the rubble. I told him to grab our son and He put the fire out on Him and handed him to me because I just could not move. When I took one look at him how burned he was and him not even crying I wanted to faint, I could not hold him any longer. Then someone came and took him from me and helped me up and out of the fire.

My husband was still looking for our 3 1/2 year old son. We could not find him until they started to lift all kinds of boards, they lifted the corner roof and thier he was under it, all you could see was his little feet, it took about 7 or 8 men to lift the roof and get him out ,but he was aready dead. Our "pride and joy"was gone.

They took my son to the funeral home they took my other son to a hospital 30 miles away and my husband to the town hospital.

I had never felt so alone that day, not knowing anybody in that town, just sitting there in the waiting room waiting to see what they were going to tell me. They looked at my face and just put medicine and tape. I could not even talk to God cause I did not know how. I was hurting so much and I still could not cry, like all of what happened was a dream and I was going to wake up.

We called the family ,and they were on their way. It was Sunday night I was at the hospital with my husband when we
recieved a phone call from the funeral place saying, "Are you the parents of this little boy that died Saturday morning?" and me and my husband just about went crazy, we had like blocked him out, that we forgot that he had died. My husband talked to them about sending his body to our hometown and they said it would cost $1500.00 that we did not have. So my husband told them to get his body ready for a long trip back home ,we made arrangements so my husband on Monday morning got out of the hospital and with my brother and father-in-law. They went to funeral home picked his body up and put a small little coffin in the back seat of the car and drove home 12 hours .My husband said that was
the longest ride home ever, sometimes he said he felt like taking him out and holding him so tight and not let him go.

They arrived at our town and made arrangements thier with the funeral home and buried my son in 2 days. I did not get to go because my 1 year old was still fighting for his life and I had to stay with him. The doctors told me that they had to disconnect my little son's voice, because he was not breathing right and they put tubes down his throat, he had swelled up so much. I still could not cry.

My husband said that some brothers (cousins) from a church invited him to go after the funeral so he went saying he did not have anything to live for anyway. At the service they were preaching about "Hell" and he had never heard a message on that. He started thinking that's where me and him would have ended up at if we would have died at the accident,and he started to cry when they made the altar call. They told me that he cried his heart out to God and asked Him if one day he could see his son. And the Lord with His great mercy answered him saying, "Yes you will see your son only if you serve me." And My husband gave his heart to the Lord and cried out to Him, they say He received the Holt Spirit also and he was jumping everywhere because his legs did not even hurt anymore. The Lord had taken everything away. He saved, delivered, He took his pain away. He made my husband a totally different man. Praise God!!! He never touched another drug or alcohol ever again.

My youngest son is doing better now we sent him to Galveston Shriners Hospital where he went through about 30 surgeries and skin grafts. He also loves the Lord and he sings for Him. His desire is to record one day. After the doctors said that he might not never talk again! Thats a Miracle!!!!

We still serve the Lord and are waiting for His return. It has been hard at times. We have 18 years serving my Lord and we do not regret either and have never questioned Him why He decided to take our Son. I believe He loved us just so much. So we had to stop running!!!!

My name is David Smith, as I prayed about what to write, God let me know that the testimony of my past six years, when my journey began is what needs to be told . I left this world Oct. 1st '94 and returned Oct. 28th '94. While my body was being sustained by life support, my spirit went on a journey. After all this time, I still don't have the words that clearly relay all that happened. Only the Holy Spirit from God in heaven can bear witness.

Let's start in '94. I had been sick for a year. I was 37, a single parent. My estranged first wife passed away in '91 with cancer, but glory be to God, she planted a lot of seeds before she went home. Then I had a couple of strange years, nothing seemed fulfilling, but I knew I had to keep my stability for my 12 year old son and myself. Then in Feb. '94, I quit running, and having always known in my heart that God had no place for hypocrites, I surrenderd my life to Him. As God let me know that my life had been planned, and that his hand had always been in my life. Soon, I got scared and hard-headed. I had been sick all that year, lung infections, sinus infections, paraorbittal infections, just one thing after another. Then on Saturday Oct. 1st, I was taken to the emergency room. I had been told previously that week that I had a slight case of pneumonia. In the E.R. I lost conscienceness. Now as far as my body was concerned, I was fully comatose, and eventually placed on life support and transported to Baptist Hospital in Winston Salem, N.C. Their diagnosis was that I had ensephillitis of the brain and spinal menengitis combined. In an adult this equals a fatality rate of 170%.

The fifth day on life support the doctors ask my family to make the decision to remove me from life support. They said they had ran more test, and that it would take a miracle for me to regain conscienceness, and if I did I would be a vegetable for the rest of my life, because of all the lessions in my brain. Then the doctors came back to my room to check on the life support stats, as they were checking, they said I opened my eyes, put a smile on my face, and set upright! Thank You Jesus!

Well for the next 5 days, I'm still not in this world, and the doctors tell my family "We have to keep him restrained and fed intraveniously. The lessions have dried and left scar tissue throughout his brain"

They said that nothing could be done, and that their never would be any improvements, and that I would never realize I was a live, let along anything else. Glory be to God, the next day Oct. 28th. I awoke back in this world, and the scar tissue throughout my brain had disappeared. All I did was cry, I still couldn't walk or talk, this was on Friday. That afternoon they roled me to various therapist for some preliminary evaluations.

Sunday my doctor came by, he was a professor of neurology, and a brother in Christ. He said,"If you understand, you have a meeting with all of the therapist in the morning and they're going to have a conference on your diagnosis". And that he was sorry he couldn't be there. I said, "OK" . He said," You can talk!" I said," Yeah, I can walk some too." ZOOM, he was gone.

Well the next morning, Chaplin McLrey, (A young chaplin whom God had brought us together) Came in pushing a wheelchair.

I asked him "why the wheelchair? I can walk that far." He said,"Just jump in and let's go" I did, and as soon as we rolled in the conference room,my doctor walked in, put his hand over my mouth, walked to the front of the room where the therapist were seated. He told them that he had only a minute, But that he had come by just to tell them some things. Then he removed his glasses, as tears came down his cheeks. He proceeded in telling them that no one at the hospital should take any credit for my recovery, and if anyone didn't believe in miracles to come and shake my hand, because that is what I was, a miracle from God, but that the miracle was still at work, so they should be prepared! He then wiped his eyes, replaced his glasses, came by gave me a pat on the shoulder and left. I looked around the room and everyone was staring at me. I said to the speech therapist," I wanted to tell you friday, but my mouth wouldn't work, that soon you wouldn't be able to keep up with my babbling mouth." She began to cry. I walked over to hug her and try to comfort her. When I did, the physical therapist began to cry also, and as far as myself, I cried almost constantly for the next few months. By the way, coming into the meeting all the therapist had evaluated to work with me for a few weeks and then re-evaluate to see if there was any hope in recovering any of my motor functions. Recovery!- I was home in 10 days. GLORY GLORY GLORY be to God!

Now that covered the simple part of those 28 days. My body was there but my spirit went on a journey that words could never do justice. Like the apostle Paul says in 2 Corinthians (speaking of himself) "I knew a man in Christ above 14 years ago such a one caught up to the third heaven". I knew my journey was not in body, because my body was under 24/7 supervision. A journey which brings tears to me every day. I still cannot share it completely with the pharisees of today, because It goes against their theology, or doctrine, or somehow contradicts their scare tactics of trying to explain spirituality, with carnal solutions. Jesus said ,"Know the truth and the truth will make you free." We aren't the dictators of the free hand of God. God never contradicts Himself, for He is not the author of confussion. As I write this I pray ; God let those who have ears hear.

Sometimes I'll either get ahead of myself, or be repeatative, so I pray that I will always keep putting everything in God's hands. As Paul would say " Bear with me". Yes, those 28 days changed every breath I take or ever will. Before I start, God let me know to tell you to open your heart to Him as you read, and He will indeed bear witness.

When I awoke that friday, the 28th day, I thought I had dosed off and had just been put in a room. I raised the bed and there was a mirror in front of me. when I looked in it I began to scream. I looked like death. I'd lost so much weight, 105 lbs. and I'm 6'1". I don't want to get to deep about the physical aspects, that truly is unimportant in the big picture.

I started crying and continued crying for months. I couldn't tell anyone about my journey for a long time, because my tears and mouth kept me chocked up. I'd just get it out in pieces until God, my potter, shaped this vessel of His. My journey is true, as is every breath I take, for the old me is dead, and all that I know is what God has told me and taught me. I'm truly born again. I'm in this world but not of this world, thank God.

First I went to where there was only darkness, and wailing and gnashing of teeth, void of all light and of any thing good. This tells us what it's like to be totally severed from God, for God is light, He is all that is good. Where I was, there was no comfort, not of thought or feeling, there was only torment. I would have loved to have been somewhere with a little red devil with a pitchfork poking me. It would have been a relief to have had physical pain, and if there was fire there would have been light. Anything to break the darkness, but this place was totally void of God. This was the pit that Jesus spoke of which is on the other side of God's all consuming lake of fire.

Then within a twinkling of an eye, I was in Jesus's arms ! Please forgive me, because there isn't any words that could ever truly relate or reveal this moment, and God only knows the length of time of this moment. To me It could have been a second or a thousand years, time had no place. Just as the Apostle Paul spoke of about his trip to the third heaven, words can't be spoken that could bring the carnal mind to understand. Love, a thousand times beyond what we could ever imagine, was everywhere in each spirit that passed, and in his arms I felt the Love of Love, peace that is beyond our greatest dreams. I looked into His eyes and the floods came. I pray that through the spirit of truth, I can relay at least a taste of that abundance of Love. In His arms there was true Love, Love beyond compare of anyone in this world in which we live. Over His shoulder there was a drawing brightness. It seemed that it was a Love so great that It was illuminating. Then He told me, without lip service, that I could not go there because I had to go back, there was work for me to do. That it is coming time to gather His flock, the pilgrams, the strange and peculiar to the world. Like I said It was an over whelming flood, but he has patiently guided me through every day to bring clarity to all things that He lays before me. He did instruct me on two things to let be known to all, yes all that will hear. One is that we christians or anyone at all that has heard of the gospel of Jesus Christ, knows of the persecutions, torture, and the ultimate sacrifice on the cross at calvary. Now let them know that the real pain that He suffers daily for us, is in after giving us everything. Think about it - everything!

Now for two thousand years we have used and manipulated the freedom, that He was born, crucified, and resurrected for and now we use it all for our own vanity and glory. Every drop of rain is Jesus's tears for us. Tears for the blind and lost, or tears of joy for the lost sheep being found. All this leads into the 2nd, we have become so engulfed into learned knowledge, technology, and division of theology, that we don't have our hearts and churches open for the Holy Spirit of God to lead or even prophesy through us.

And this is where this letter began, being back in this world. As I said, God had cleared the scars from my brain, but I still have alot of pain from the scar tissue on my spine. I do know that God will take care of that also when the time is right. After I got out of the hospital, it seemed every way I turned there wasn't any help from the world, financially, medically, or spiritually. Wow, I had became an alien to this world, but I know if I stay in God's will, He has everything working in a perfect plan.

I was so zealous. I prayed for the Lord to lead me to the bible university that he'd have me to go. That wasn't to be. He let me know that he was my teacher, and He does know more about himself than any man. That kept the tears flowing, because I still couldn't believe that God Loved me that much. I asked him to lead me to what literature to get? He told me that I had all that I needed, That old king James Holy Bible. Although it was old, It was like new, because I hadn't used it all those years before. My life up till then had been no holds barred, you know, been there done that. Yea into all kinds of situations, except the right situation, which was God truly leading my life, instead of the world.

Three months after I was released from the hospital, my dad died of simple pneumonia. My brain and body wasn't altogether functioning, It was only by the hand of God that I kept on keeping on. I wasn't released to drive for the next 6 months, but I tried to do what I could.The only thing that made since, was doing God's work. Like I said my dad died, my mother, who is now 80 years old, was left in my care, and with no insurance or out side help, things were tough, but God always seen us through. Like the old hymn says, " I can't even walk without Him holding my hand".

Inside and out God has molded me. I used to look like a perfect clean cut yuppy, but now it's long hair, blue jeans, or what ever way God wants me walking, not just talking. I've been ordained through a non-denominational association. What truly is necessary is to be ordained by God. We have a Christian rock band and outreach ministry. When I say we, I mean who ever God has provided to come together to work for his Glory.

About midways through this letter, I stopped for a week, praying for God's guidance. I knew He wanted this wrote, I was praying to know the answer, why? The reason I say this is because for the last couple months, the trials and tribulations have been beyond comprehension. Everyone has been going to and fro. the enemy is attacking all that is being done. He truly wants to bring division amongst God's people.

I've gone wherever and whenever God has lead me, over these past 6 years. Never asking anyone for anything, simply having faith that God would provide all needs, and He has. Giving and doing for others is always the most joyful reward in serving God, and spreading the Love of Jesus Christ. We've worked with alot of street ministries, motorcycle ministries, and various outreach ministries. We've also done presentations for correctional facilities. In my heart, I believe every christian should visit a youth correctional center, and find out personally, how a truly loving heart can change lives!

From the beginning God has made it clear, that all that I do is for His Glory, and his alone. I have been chastised for not joining any organizations, but I can not be in a situation, of who's side I'm on, as so many have in America today. We should be reflecting the truth of the word christian ( Christ like ). I have always through the grace of God shown Love to others, doing all that God makes possible.

Now a time has come that I haven't faced before. I need help! As God knows, I've prayed feverently about this, and His answer was for me to write this letter. That we should turn to one another to supply the means for needs to be met. He led me once again to the foundations that Apostle Paul had laid for the body of christ to follow; That we should Love not with just lip service, but in deed and in truth.

GOD BLESS YOU,

I'd love to hear from you!

David A. Smith

or write to: P.O. Box 1608
Hildebran, N.C. 28637